I think I had a panic attack

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It’s no secret that I’m overwhelmed.  If I’ve given anyone the impression to the contrary, I apologize because I’m absolutely overwhelmed.

Last weekend was a 5 day weekend and that’s when Elliott first got sick..

It was a shorter week at school this week but it ended in both Elliott and Emmett being sick. Thank God Gavin’s still going strong because that would simply put me straight over the edge. 


I was so desperately looking forward to being able to sleep while the boys were at their Mom’s but Emmett was too sick to go and Elliott and Gavin’s came home first thing this morning. 

If you don’t have experience with Autism parenting, let me clue you in on something.  When a child with Autism gets sick, at least in my experience, the challenge gets exponentially more difficult. 

My kids are so sensory sensitive, that something as simple as a stuffy nose can lead to countless meltdowns. 

Elliott’s been coughing for a week now and Emmett for about 3 or 4 days.  They’ve had all they can take and it’s quite apparent, based in their behavior and demeanor. 

I’ve been running around like crazy today trying to take care of everyone, get them to the doctors, get their scripts filled and keep then resting. 

About an hour ago I hit a brickwall. Figuratively speaking, of course..

I reached a point where I was so stressed out, so overwhelmed and so tired, that I think I had a panic attack.. 

Out of nowhere, I broke into a cold sweat. My heart was racing. I totally thought I was going to puke and my whole body felt like pins and needles.  I made it upstairs and crawled into bed.  I laid there trying desperately not to vomit and the boys just kept peppering me with requests and complaints.

I was a total hot mess and it lasted about 30 minutes or so. 

It was so bad that I worked up the whatever to call my parents to let them know what was going on because I may need help with the boys. 

I felt like complete shit, both literally and figuratively because I’m curled up in the fetal position in bed and all I can hear are the boys coughing and hacking.  

I ended up talking with my Mom for a little while. Just listening to her voice and hearing that they are there for whatever myself or the boys need, sorta brought me back down. 

My heart rate slowed down, the pins and needles faded away and the nausea passed. 

I’m still a bit shaky but I’m feeling much better. 

I’ve only experienced panic or anxiety on this level once or twice in my life.  I’m assuming it was a panic or anxiety attack and that makes sense, all things considered. 

I’ll tell you this, it’s not fun.

I’m so grateful to be feeling better and I’m sharing the because I want you to know that if you’re out there feeling like I am, you’re not alone. Having my parents remind me that I wasn’t alone, helped to bring me around this evening. 

If you are experiencing something like this or you are in desperate need of break, I totally get it. 

I wish everyone had someone they could rely on to help when the chips are down but the reality is, that’s just not the case. 

Hang in there, know I’m always here and if there’s someone in your life that you can reach out to for help, even if it’s not easy or ideal, really consider doing it..  ☺

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