Sometimes I really hate that my kids have a visitation during the school week

Let me begin my saying this… I firmly believe in the importance of my kids visiting their Mother.  I firmly believe that they need to spend time with their grandparents as well.  Divorce doesn’t negate the importance of kids having a healthy relationship with both parents and extended families…

That’s not the issue. 

The issue is that this ideal gets much more complicated when special needs kids are involved, especially those with Autism. 

Weekday visits, in this case, Wednesday night dinners, can make life so much more challenging..  This doesn’t mean that anyone is doing anything wrong either.  It’s all about the boys transitioning from one environment to another.  There’s a lot of change in a short amount of time and being that it’s every other Wednesday, it’s not often enough for them to sorta add this to their routine..

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Today was especially rough because both Elliott and Emmett had homework.  Their normal routine with homework (that’s been actually working out well) is that they can pick the time slot that they do their homework in.  It’s usually the exact same time slot because they like things scheduled but as long as they do it, we keep moving forward the same way. 

On Wednesdays when they have visits, they have to do their homework immediately after school because they have therapy and then go to their Mom’s for a couple hours, returning around bedtime.

This amounts to a total of two days a month but those two days can be hellacious. It’s sorta like Genie from Aladdin saying, he can’t kill you but you’d be surprised what you can live through.  It’s rough for me and it’s especially rough for them. 

I haven’t been able to get the boys, especially Elliott, into the routine of having a different routine, every other Wednesday.  If that even makes sense?

Getting Elliott especially, to sit down and do his homework right away, leads to a massive meltdown in most instances because Elliott very much clings to his routine and schedule..  Maybe it just takes more time for him to get used to it but until he does, this will continue up to be a thorn in my side. 

I like the break and the fact that the boys are spending time with their Mom but I really struggle with the fallout.  It’s exhausting, stressful and in a perfect world, wholey unnecessary.

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7 Comments

  1. tannawings

    Elliot and Emmett but especially Elliot besides routine, probably are like anyone else…. when they come hoe, they like just hanging out a bit and not doing anything. Maybe a little TV, or whatever. The homework has to be done, and they are doing well. Is there any way that therapy can be moved? I wouldnt not miss the homework, you just got that one licked.
    Sounds like they just got a lot to do…. homework, therapy, dinner then bedtime. No breaks.
    OR can they take the homework to their Moms? I know thats a stretch, but it would get her involved, the homework doesnt take long, is easy and they likely have some time to hang out after dinner.

  2. Darcy Dallin

    I know you’re all for what’s best for the boys but maybe that is more time with their mom!! I’ve said this before. Both of you guys need to suck it up, especially mom, and she needs to get over herself and think of her kids & how to fix/mend the relationships by seeing her kids more often. There are millions of parents in this world who have their own special needs, disabilities, etc, and have kids with special needs, but they work on bettering themselves by being with their kids. Rob, tell mom to “deal” with her aniexty or whatever her issues are & to start thinking of her kids.
    The kids wouldn’t have such issues if, like I’ve said before, the once a week dinner needs to happen every week. Or ditch the middle of the week dinner & mom needs to start doing every weekend – the whole weekend!! And keeping the kids even if they have meltdowns or are sick! The kids will eventually learn the new routine. This happens to millions of special needs kids every day/every weekend.
    Or on the two whole Wednesdays a month they go with mom, than there is no homework. Maybe that would lighten up the mood or the rushiness or the aniexty & the kids will look forward to being with mom cuz they know they won’t have to do homework, so it will be a relief & more fun.
    Or they take the homework to mom’s & she or grandparents help. It shows that they are interested in the kids’ education even if they can’t do the work! 🙂

    1. Kim Gebhardt

      Darcy I agree that their mother needs to think of her kids more, but part of the difficulty with Rob scheduling visitation every week or every weekend is that the visits have to be supervised, and that is currently done by Lizze’s parents. So, he’s not just having to take his and Lizze’s (and the boys schedules) into consideration, he has to add in the grandparents’ as well. I feel like that makes it a little bit tougher.

  3. pegster999

    Could therapy be moved to another night? If you explained the situation with the school could they reduce or cut out the homework? Dinner with mom moved to Friday night? Some options to consider. On the other hand… While I know they need routine, there will be days when things change and will be busy. That’s real life. They need to know how to handle that.

  4. Kim Gebhardt

    Is there any way that weekday visits could be moved to Friday so the homework wouldn’t be such an issue because they’d have the entire weekend to complete it? Or is there another day in the week when they don’t have anything else scheduled which forces everyone to rush around and causes so much stress for them? Maybe a Sunday afternoon visit could be had? I know this also revolves around their grandparent’s schedule which makes it even harder to work around.

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