Sometimes I really hate that my kids have a visitation during the school week




Let me begin my saying this… I firmly believe in the importance of my kids visiting their Mother.  I firmly believe that they need to spend time with their grandparents as well.  Divorce doesn’t negate the importance of kids having a healthy relationship with both parents and extended families…

That’s not the issue. 

The issue is that this ideal gets much more complicated when special needs kids are involved, especially those with Autism. 

Weekday visits, in this case, Wednesday night dinners, can make life so much more challenging..  This doesn’t mean that anyone is doing anything wrong either.  It’s all about the boys transitioning from one environment to another.  There’s a lot of change in a short amount of time and being that it’s every other Wednesday, it’s not often enough for them to sorta add this to their routine..

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Today was especially rough because both Elliott and Emmett had homework.  Their normal routine with homework (that’s been actually working out well) is that they can pick the time slot that they do their homework in.  It’s usually the exact same time slot because they like things scheduled but as long as they do it, we keep moving forward the same way. 

On Wednesdays when they have visits, they have to do their homework immediately after school because they have therapy and then go to their Mom’s for a couple hours, returning around bedtime.

This amounts to a total of two days a month but those two days can be hellacious. It’s sorta like Genie from Aladdin saying, he can’t kill you but you’d be surprised what you can live through.  It’s rough for me and it’s especially rough for them. 

I haven’t been able to get the boys, especially Elliott, into the routine of having a different routine, every other Wednesday.  If that even makes sense?

Getting Elliott especially, to sit down and do his homework right away, leads to a massive meltdown in most instances because Elliott very much clings to his routine and schedule..  Maybe it just takes more time for him to get used to it but until he does, this will continue up to be a thorn in my side. 

I like the break and the fact that the boys are spending time with their Mom but I really struggle with the fallout.  It’s exhausting, stressful and in a perfect world, wholey unnecessary.

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7 Comments on "Sometimes I really hate that my kids have a visitation during the school week"

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julh
Member

No homework on visit nights?

Ellen Beck
Member
Elliot and Emmett but especially Elliot besides routine, probably are like anyone else…. when they come hoe, they like just hanging out a bit and not doing anything. Maybe a little TV, or whatever. The homework has to be done, and they are doing well. Is there any way that therapy can be moved? I wouldnt not miss the homework, you just got that one licked. Sounds like they just got a lot to do…. homework, therapy, dinner then bedtime. No breaks. OR can they take the homework to their Moms? I know thats a stretch, but it would get… Read more »
Darcy
Member
I know you’re all for what’s best for the boys but maybe that is more time with their mom!! I’ve said this before. Both of you guys need to suck it up, especially mom, and she needs to get over herself and think of her kids & how to fix/mend the relationships by seeing her kids more often. There are millions of parents in this world who have their own special needs, disabilities, etc, and have kids with special needs, but they work on bettering themselves by being with their kids. Rob, tell mom to “deal” with her aniexty or… Read more »
Karalyn Fett
Member

Or they’ll just keep doing what they’re doing because they are adults and are fully capable of making decisions for their children smile smile smile smile)))

Kim Gebhardt
Member

Darcy I agree that their mother needs to think of her kids more, but part of the difficulty with Rob scheduling visitation every week or every weekend is that the visits have to be supervised, and that is currently done by Lizze’s parents. So, he’s not just having to take his and Lizze’s (and the boys schedules) into consideration, he has to add in the grandparents’ as well. I feel like that makes it a little bit tougher.

pegster999
Member

Could therapy be moved to another night? If you explained the situation with the school could they reduce or cut out the homework? Dinner with mom moved to Friday night? Some options to consider. On the other hand… While I know they need routine, there will be days when things change and will be busy. That’s real life. They need to know how to handle that.

Kim Gebhardt
Member

Is there any way that weekday visits could be moved to Friday so the homework wouldn’t be such an issue because they’d have the entire weekend to complete it? Or is there another day in the week when they don’t have anything else scheduled which forces everyone to rush around and causes so much stress for them? Maybe a Sunday afternoon visit could be had? I know this also revolves around their grandparent’s schedule which makes it even harder to work around.

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