There’s something that I really struggle with sometimes and I imagine some of you can relate, even if you don’t admit it. It’s so hard for me to see past the things I do wrong or can’t do well enough. Seeing myself the way the world sees me is something I’ve just not been able to do.
My life is difficult and I’m struggling to hold things together. It’s easier for me to see all the things I’ve lost my grip on, than it is to see all the things I’m still holding on to.
Being a parent to any child is an awesome responsibility. The magnitude of stress, worry, happiness and joy is immeasurable. When things like Autism enter into the picture, these things become infinitely more impactful.
I know first hand how easy it is to beat oneself up for every little thing we feel we do wrong. I know how hard it is to see oneself the way others see us, especially our kids.
For me personally, I see my feeble attempts to do things like provide a better life for my kids, help them find peace enough to finally let their guard down, keep this site alive, continue helping others, keep my kids fed, the utilities turned on and the mortgage paid, as failures because I’m not able to keep up with everything as well as I feel I should be.
I’m facing some serious challenges that I just can’t seem to overcome and warring with Depression certainly doesn’t help at all either.
The point is, I get it. I get how it feels and how easy it is to succumb to those feelings.
It’s so easy to get lost in despair and guilt, especially when it comes to our kids but there’s something we have to try really hard not to forget.
We are almost always our own worst critic. I know there are plenty of people out there that are more than willing to volunteer their critical opinions but nothing anyone can say, is any harsher than the things we say to ourselves.
I’m working really hard to remember that as much as I feel that I’m failing, there are things that I’m succeeding at as well. There are things that I’m able to do that no one else could do a better.
Maybe those things don’t always pay the bills or undo the things I wish I could undo but they are impactful nonetheless. As hard as life is, I always seem to find a way to carry my kids though it. Even when I fall, I manage to somehow right myself and continue on.
Help tends to come when I least expect it but need it the most. Sometimes the help comes as a result of this blog and the people our story has touched.
I need to remember that the only person in my life expecting perfection from me is me (and maybe Emmett. Definitely Emmett lol). I’ve never set out to be perfect and I know that I’m not even in the same Universe but for some reason, I expect more of myself than I can deliver. I’m expecting perfection from an imperfect person.
I suspect that many of you are probably doing the same thing, at least to some extent.
The point I’m trying to make is that I need to be more forgiving of myself and
maybe try definitely focus on the things that I’ve been accomplishing all along. I encourage all of you to do the same because perfection is not required to be a kickass parent. ☺
Does this resonate with anyone?