It’s been a long day. Actually, it’s been a long last few days. I’m sorry that I haven’t written but I’ve just been so tired and the kids have been especially challenging. I love them. They’re amazing and I wouldnt trade them for anything in the world but they wear me the fuck out.
Autism is tough for a person without Autism, to truly appreciate. As someone who doesn’t fall on the Autism Spectrum, I can only speak from a parents perspective and say that Autism is so exhausting for me, as a Dad. Sometimes it even feels defeating and the challenges insurmountable.
There are days where I really feel that I’m getting my bearings (like yesterday for example) and then days like today when I just feel completely overwhelmed by everything on my plate.
I do actually have a few things going for me. For starters, wind doesn’t mess up my hair and my neighborhood has taught me that real gunshots sound nothing like they do on TV.
All joking aside (although the above is sadly true), I do have things in the works that will prove very positive for myself and the boys. The problem I keep running into is that I’m only one person and I just can’t seem to make all the pieces to fit together yet.
I don’t know……. Maybe it’s the holiday that’s stressing me out or bringing me down a little bit and I’m just so tired. Zzzzzzzzz
Emmett’s not sleeping at night again and will only fall asleep when I lay down with him. He’s so sweet and just wants to fall asleep with his little arm around my neck. He’s not struggled at like this for awhile now.
When he was telling his Mom goodbye the other night, I overheard him trying to get her to come home. I suspect that he’s struggling with this whole thing again. It’s one of those things that seems to get better and then out of nowhere, pop right back up.
It’s not just Emmett either.
Elliott’s going through a bit of a tough time with his first break-up (from whatever 4th graders consider dating) and I think it’s stirring some things up for him.
Gavin’s actually doing okay. We’re working on a few things but he’s easily the happiest person I know and he certainly deserves to be happy.
Life in The Autism Dad house is far from perfect. If you were to peak in one of our windows, you’d see that first off, Maggie would probably try to eat you alive for being a creepy peeping tom. Assuming that did discourage you from trying again, you’d see that there’s a lot of love in this house. I really am a lucky guy because my kids are awesome.
If you looked a bit closer, you’d also see that we’re stilling figuring things out. This is especially true in my case. There’s rarely a day that goes by where I don’t feel like my attempt at parenting is akin to the blind leading the blind.
I feel like not only are we on a new journey but we are carving our own path though a shit ton of mountains as we go. It certainly makes things harder and much more time consuming but nonetheless worth it.
I’m hoping a pseudo good night’s sleep, will help to get me out of today’s funk. I need to find some strength and in the morning, take a few more steps in the right direction.