Emmett is living with Autism, anxiety, sensory processing disorder, ADHD, and a very rare, painful fever disorder.
As for me, I’m living with PTSD and depression.
It’s fair to say that life can be very challenging on a good day and seemingly impossible on the not so good days. Thankfully, we do have good days but we also have quite a few not so good days as well.
My life centers around being a full time caregiver for all three kids and Lizze, when she needs it.
I’m burning the candle at both ends and that leaves me very weary. There are times when I cope with this better and times that I basically flail.
I’m currently flailing quite a bit.
It’s really important that I not lose myself in this distress because it can very quickly become like a black hole and suck me in. If I allow that to happen, I become unable to care for anyone, including myself.
Last night I went to bed feeling crushed and demoralized. I woke up this morning feeling worse. I was very angry and resentful. That’s something I’m not proud of.
The last thing I wanted was to allow my distress to influence any of the interactions I had with my wife and kids. I got up early, went to the park and I was walking by 7:30 AM. I was definitely not in a good place because my pace was much faster than normal and it hurt for the first two miles. I didn’t realize or notice the pain until my head started to clear up.
By the time I was done, I was emotionally in a better place.
If I’m not in a good place, I can’t be what everyone needs me to be. Truthfully, on my best day, I can’t be what everyone needs me to be but I get closer when I’m in a better place.
Trying to manage the unique and demanding needs of four people is not easy. I’m only one person but that doesn’t really matter because their needs still need met.