I had a less than stellar day yesterday and I found myself overwhelmed and frustrated for much of it. While I’m pouring everything I have into the kids, it’s very difficult not to focus on dissolution of my marriage because it plays such a role in much of what we’re experiencing at the moment.
To the best of my knowledge, while I was ademently against the spilt, it will ultimately be amicable and there will be no ugliness over anything. As much as this hurts, at least it isn’t ugly. That doesn’t make it easy but it makes things easier on everyone, especially the kids, and that matters.
The kids are sorta all over the place on this and it’s very confusing for them. One minute they’re fine and the next they’re upset. It’s going to take time, love, patience and therapy to help them get through this. That said, we’re already moving forward in our own way.
Yesterday was very difficult for me. There were many reasons for that but walking into the courthouse and getting the needed paperwork made me sick to my stomach. The last time I was there, I was adopting Gavin and it hurt to even ask for the papers.
On my way to my own therapy appointment, there were some awful comments posted here. I was already struggling and that just pushed me closer to the edge. I banned two people as a result and I hate doing that. If the kids read some of those comments, they would be devastated.
There was another appointment that I had yesterday afternoon, that I wanted nothing at all to do with. I sat waiting, sick to my stomach, only to find out that in my overwhelmed state, I read Thursday at 3PM as Today at 3PM. I was there a few days early and that was totally on me.
The boys had therapy last night and it was a very emotional ninety minutes. We needed to address a few things with them, including how I need to handle school when they’re upset about their mom, and don’t want to go.
These guys are going through a lot but school has to be a priority. They need the structure, routine and distraction, even if they don’t see it that way. This going to make me the bad guy at times but that’s part of being a good parent.
There were more things going on yesterday that contributed to my struggle but they don’t really matter.
I’m feeling a bit better today. I’m having some issues with Gavin but it’s fairly typical for him and it’s more about me being overwhelmed and not able to deal with some of his behaviors. In other words, it’s me, not necessarily him.
This is a difficult time for my family, there’s no doubt about that. We will however, find our way.