Sometimes I’m just not enough

I fucking hate everything that my kids are going through right now. It’s not fair that they are expected to deal with the consequences of adult decisions. They didn’t ask for this and yet they’re the ones paying the highest price.

Emmett was wrapped around my arm for most of the night. I’m not sure if he was having bad dreams but he was clamped on pretty tight.

Elliott struggled to even fall asleep but thankfully, seems to have slept.

Both boys are so stressed out that they are sick to their stomachs. Emmett wouldn’t even get out of bed this morning because he felt so awful. He loves school but came home sick yesterday and ended up not going this morning. Neither did Elliott because he was nauseous.

Neither one of them are actually sick with something like a stomach bug. They’re so upset, scared, angry, hurt or whatever else, that they feel physically ill.

They have therapy this afternoon and that’s my target for today. I had a list of things that I needed to do, but now it’s been back burnered so I can help them survive the day and at least make it to therapy. I don’t know what else to do.

I spoke with the school and they understood, which makes this a little less stressful for me, but they need to be in school. I need to figure out a way to help them get there but the last thing in the world I want to do is make anything worse by pushing them too hard.

My heart is breaking for them. My heart is breaking for me. I’m doing everything I know to do in order to lead them through this but it doesn’t appear to be enough. That’s such a shitty feeling, I can’t even begin to explain.


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    • BJW on September 10, 2019 at 2:25 pm
    • Reply

    Are there any kind of meds that might help their symptoms?
    I realize that your sons feel really bad, and applying band-aid remedies (including short term anxiety meds) might not do a thing. But if they can somehow get to school with some of their symptoms managed, maybe they could forget about their upset long enough to be drawn out of their misery?

      • BJW on September 10, 2019 at 2:26 pm
      • Reply

      (Of course, this is just me brainstorming and may not work at all.)

      1. Well, it’s a good brainstorm and a great question. ☺

    1. Good question Becky. The answer is yes. The other answer is the doctors don’t want to muddy the water with anything major for right now. They have both started a new medication to take as needed. It’s a form of antihistamine that also helps with anxiety. It’s very mild but anything more significant will be discussed again at the next appointment in about 3 weeks. The logic behind this is letting the dust settle before making any medication changes. It makes sense because we don’t want to through anything at them that could end up making things worse or muddy the water even more.

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