#Depression sucks: I’m feeling alone right now and not particularly good about myself

I’m feeling completely overwhelmed today. Emmett is sick and Gavin has started cursing every time he gets frustrated. It’s becoming an issue because he already has no filter. Everytime he says something inappropriate, Elliott and Emmett jump all over it. They aren’t fans of cursing and I don’t generally use that language in front of them. I’ve got to tighten the reigns on what he’s watching again.

I haven’t been able to walk in days and that’s really frustrating for me. There are things I can do around the house but I don’t get the same emotional benefits from that.

The boys and I were invited to a private tour of the new Urban Air Aventure Park in Akron this Friday. It’s a media thing and they’d like us to document our experience and share it with my readers/followers. We’ll be there along with some first responders and local government officials to experience the park before the general public. It’s a really cool opportunity but if Emmett isn’t feeling well, then we’re all going to end up grounded (haha see what I did there).

I’ve got several ads to record and tomorrow’s episode to finish editing. The house needs caught up and I have some bills I need to figure out.

I don’t have a really efficient setup for recording and so I need the house to be as quiet as possible. The only time I can make this happen is when the kids are at school and Gavin’s taking his morning nap. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this but ASD and ADHD kids are not necessarily known for being quiet.

I’m feeling very alone right now and not particularly good about myself. I feel out of sync with what I should be doing and I’m behind on so many things. The kids clothes never made out of the laundry baskets this week and into their drawers. This means their dirty clothes have no place to go but the floor. There’s no reason the boys can’t put their own clothes away but that requires picking battles that I don’t have to means to fight right now. I have no backup and noone to help share the load.

Depression isn’t doing me any favors at the moment either. Making any potentially needed medication changes can’t happen because I would be compromised for at least a few days. Antidepressants hit me pretty hard at first. I get lightheaded and very sleepy. Driving is a no go for a few days at minimum and it usually takes me about a solid week or so to adjust.

I’m feeling very defeated and while I know that this is but one single day, it’s not helping to shift my demeanor.

I’m going to prioritize doing what it takes to get my paid gigs done today. Once those are done, I’ll work on one thing at a time. That’s the best I can do for right now and it seems like a reasonable approach.

If you’re out there feeling just as overwhelmed or demoralized, please know that you aren’t alone. If you want to share your story, feel free to do so in the comments below.

Rob Gorski

Full time, work from home single Dad to my 3 amazing boys. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)
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You know, a complicated situation doesn’t mean the kids can’t go either. Because basically, as long as there functioning, loving adults around, the kids should be able to spend time with their mother. Now, maybe I’m guessing wrong as to the complications as I only have thoughts of possibilities. More love is what matters, no matter how unconventional and/or complicated things can be. My 2 cents, anyway.

Jimmy Rock

Hey Rob- sorry you’re struggling. You might think I’m going off topic here, but it does relate and I hope I’m not treading into too sensitive of waters here. Is there any way you can get your ex and her family involved at times which may be a little more convenient to you? You put up a good front about how psyched you are that the kids get to spend time with their mom, etc. and that’s all good, but the reality is that she doesn’t have to deal with the aftermath/fallout that occurs as a result of these visits. To the extent that they can, the visits should be at a time when you can get something else beneficial done that you can’t do with the kids around, whether it be your podcast, grocery shopping, exercising, socializing with real people, whatever.

For example, can’t your ex watch Emmett so that you can take everyone else to the adventure park? I get that it’s not that simple and that there’s more to the story (and I realize that Emmett is sick) but I guess my larger point is that it’s a shame that you can’t use the visitation time more to your advantage. You know, making lemonade out of lemons or some crap that like that.

Jimmy Roxk

Thanks for your response. It’s not always easy to take the high road! Hopefully you make it to the adventure park. Hang in there.