Sometimes school just isn’t as important

It’s a very big day for us in The Autism Dad household. Emmett is returning to school for the full day, starting today. At least that’s the plan.

I need to sit down and have a meeting with school because Emmett is barely hanging on and while he’s returning full time, it’s not going to take much to derail that. Emmett’s been in a very, very dark place and because of that, school has become incidental.

He’s absolutely buried in makeup work and he feels his teachers are disappointed in him.

I spoke with his therapist and I think the best approach for him to get back into the classroom full time is to forget the makeup work. Emmett has been an overachiever his entire life and received straight A’s or their equivalent since kindergarten. At this point, however, no one cares about his grades. I need to know what he physically needs to do to pass the school year.

Emmett’s incredibly fragile right now and I need to unburden him as much as possible. Next school year will be a fresh start.



I hate the idea of doing this but it’s unquestionably in Emmett’s best interests. He needs to be able to return to school with as close to a clean slate as possible and simply pass his classes, even with D’s.

We do whatever we must for our kids and sometimes, there are things that simply become more important than school.

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    • BJW on February 25, 2020 at 1:14 am
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    When Henry started having bad fibromyalgia problems, he couldn’t get to school. In the end, he did makeup work AND the school gave him pass-fail grades. That was in a public Ohio middle school, albeit in 8th grade. Maybe teachers could look over his work and simplify it. As smart as Emmett is, he probably doesn’t need to do as many worksheets to get the basic stuff. Good

    1. That’s exactly what we’re looking to do. ☺

    • J on February 24, 2020 at 2:23 pm
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    hopefully his teachers will work with you to make this easier

    • Curtis G. on February 24, 2020 at 11:42 am
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    I had to come to that same decision at one time in my son’s life. But I believe, in Emmett’s own time, he will overcome his present situation.

    1. Thank you Curtis. ☺

    • GingerBayGrl on February 24, 2020 at 9:33 am
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    So Emmett hasn’t been doing the work at home after he leaves school in the morning? That doesn’t make sense, and if he had all of that work why would you pull them out of school for a week and add more work on top of that?

    1. I wonder if you’ve ever worked with traumatized Autistic children? Sometimes there are things bigger and more important things than school. I’m sorry you can’t understand that.

        • GingerBayGrl on February 24, 2020 at 12:22 pm
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        I’m sorry, I’m not trying to start anything. I just thought school was his place, where he was comfortable, I didn’t realize he had a traumatizing event here, I thought it was because of the separation. I guess I don’t understand, they seem to like going to and spending time with their mom, I just didn’t make the connection. Again not trying to start anything, just trying to understand. And maybe there is a bunch of backstory we just all don’t know

        1. No worries. Didn’t mean to come across like that. Shouldn’t have assumed your intent. My apologies as well.

          Yes, this is entirely or at least largely due to his mother leaving, a second time. There’s a lot that is being kept private to protect the kids. It’s not so much that she left but rather how and why she chose to leave that has traumatized the boys.

          At some point, when Emmett’s in a better place, I’ll talk about what was going on with him. He’s mentioned he would like to talk about it at some point.

          None of the boys have done anything wrong and I’ll just say that in Emmett’s case specifically, he’s so distressed by all of this that, he’s been overcome by some very dark, unrelenting thoughts that have interfered with every aspect of his life.

          He’s safe and slowly moving forward but this was serious enough that school was no longer a priority. I had to focus on his emotional health and in regards to the vacation, I know the timing was not necessarily advantageous and it did pull them out of school for a a few days. Most of the days were covered by long weekend. I didn’t share the exact timing for safety reasons.

          Anyway, I was hoping the trip would help them escape their lives for a little while and just allow them to be kids. It was largely successful. While they did miss a few days, they gained something far more important. This helped them gain some footing and it was a healing experience for all 4 of us. There’s much left to get done and the boys are absolutely struggling but as of today, Emmett’s back at school full time and that’s a step in the right direction.

          There’s much that I don’t talk about because I don’t want the kids ever learning anything for the first time, by reading something I’ve written.

          To be clear, personally, I have nothing to hide. The only ones I’m protecting are my kids.

          Thank you for understanding. I know I’m usually very transparent and perhaps someday.

          Again, my apologies. I frequently get attacked here and I read into your question and made assumptions I shouldn’t have.

          Thank you for following up and I truly appreciate your concern.

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