A very special kind of pain

I thought long and hard before posting this because I’m still trying to find that balance between public and private life. That being said, when people decide to make very public announcements, in a manner that my readers may actually discover before I do, I feel as though confessing how this impacts me personally, is relevant. It’s relevant to better understanding the journey my boys are on. 

Please remember that while you are welcome to share your thoughts, feelings and opinions, I ask that you please be respectful. Taking the higher road is something I that pride myself on and it’s the example I want to set for my kids. 
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There’s a special kind of pain that occurs when your wife publicly announces on Facebook that she’s in a new relationship before you’re even divorced…..

Am I angry? No….

Am I hurt? Yes doesn’t quite cover it….

Does that mean I still want to fix my marriage? No..

Friendship is based on trust. Trust is a very fragile and living thing, that once broken can’t always be healed or fixed.

Marriage is based on both friendship and trust. These are not mutually exclusive, meaning you cannot have one without the other.

What I’ve lost has proven to be unworthy of saving. I still grieve because what I’ve actually lost and what I thought I had, turned out to be two very different things.

My one wish is that perhaps the boys and I will be blessed with the ability to move on as well……

Right now we’re still busy picking up the pieces of our lives and trying to figure out where they go…..

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16 Comments on "A very special kind of pain"

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Darcy
Member
Sounds like my Ex, despite the circumstances of marriage & divorce because they’re all different & we all heal, grieve differently, for the ones who can move on so quickly are the ones who are only thinking of themselves & not their kids or even their own wellbeing. Lizzie can move on better, faster, less worry, etc, because she bailed on her kids & is taking care of herself & has all the time in the world to be out there. Some people are manipulative & can be not alone for fear of being lonely! Everything will hurt regardless.
Lori Homayon-jones
Guest

Hugs mate. Keep your head up x

Rob Gorski
Guest

Thanks.. I appreciate the love… ☺

Ellen Beck
Member

My only hope is that your ‘ex;’ doesnt trry introducing the new person into your children’s life too early (if at all) She has issues, and probably not the best decision making skills. I know the boys spend very little time with her, and usually only at her folks house.
This shouldnt surprise you (her moving on) as Darcy pointed out she has little to nothing holding her back.
Get your divorce final.

Rob Gorski
Guest
I’ve known about this for a very long time. You’re right in everything you said. I wasn’t surprised she moved on as she moved in a long time ago. What I am surprised about and what hurts is that she’s being so public about how happy she is, while her kids are struggling to put their lives back together. That’s what hurts. Unfortunately, at the moment, financial issues are slowing the divorce process. There are things I have to pay for in order to file and I just can’t afford it at the moment. I’m hoping to get this done… Read more »
Ellen Beck
Member
Just throwing out ideas here…. have you asked her to pay? I mean really, she left, She obviously was the person who initiated and also wants to finalize it. Please dont give her any excuses. None. You are sitting there, not divorced, giving the woman all kinds of outs. I am sorry Rob, but if you were standing in front of my face I likely would be even more ‘harsh’ about it. Lets see………. you are taking care of 3 kids. ALL of them she produced, One, you stepped up and adopted, and yes he is your son, but my… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Guest
The main reason we didn’t go the divorce route was that we pretty much already agreed on everything. While financially things are bad, walking away from this will total control over what happens to my kids is all that matters. Everything is setup that I make every attempt to discuss with her whatever is going on, be it school related or medically related. If we can’t agree on something, I make the decision on my own and my say is final. The rest is quite frankly, far less important to me. I’ve discussed full custody but there really isn’t much… Read more »
Ellen Beck
Member
Here goes my ‘hardhness’ gosh how I wish I could sit you down and have a cup of coffee with you. I am going to start with your own words and go from there… ” The main reason we didn’t go the divorce route was that we pretty much already agreed on everything. ” Rob, thiere is no such thing as agreeing on anything when it comes to divorce or death. I have seen some darn nasty stuff. This week, she might be OK and agree, next week, things might totally change. Get it in writing. She is not stable.… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Guest
Okay… Part of the reason I’m doing things the way I am is because it will establish certain things and help to ensure my position, should there be any unforseen things arise, as you discussed. The only thing that I’m not 100% comfortable with as far as this disillusion goes, is that I don’t have 100% full custody. I’m the custodial parent but we’ve also included specific wording that I have final say in everything. For me to gain full custody, I would have to go to court. I would win, there’s little doubt about that but it would cost… Read more »
Ellen Beck
Member

I do understand you not wanting too discuss this publically, others can and do I am sure read yur blog.
Please do mull over things. The way it sounds, she will be in far more of a hurry than you will when push comes to shove . Cover your bases. Yes legal aide is a joke as far as divorce or domestic situations. They arent designed for that.

PS full custody strips no one of their rights. One is the custodial parent the other is non custodial.

Rob Gorski
Guest

Thanks… ☺

This is a modified shared parenting agreement that essentially gives me the same rights and makes me custodial parent as well..

Assuming the courts sign off on it, it should be pretty cut and dry. 8 am covering my bases though, just in case. I just play my cards close to the vest..

Have a great Thanksgiving ☺

Ellen Beck
Member

You also 🙂 I happened to be over commenting on your Thanksgiving post as this came in ! Have a good one, its gonna be fine.

Alyssa Rogers Williams
Guest
Sorry, just read this. I know it hurts, and it’s a bit sick and twisted to me, does she ever announce, “by the way I only see my kids x amount a month now so I’m released from all personal responsibility?” (Probably not)………but you are old enough now to see patterns with people and relationships. Have you ever heard the term “emotional vampires”? They move on quickly and just start the process again. In my state there are $100 agreed divorces where both parties just fill out what they agree on and file on their own. In guessing Ohio unfortunately… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Guest

Her parents are are truly doing the best they can in this complex situation. I don’t envy them but we are on very, very good terms. They love the boys and are just trying to navigate this mine field, same as me. There are things that aren’t public and you’ll have to trust that I am doing the best I can and so are they.

Thank you so much for your support.. 🙂

Alyssa Rogers Williams
Guest

Totally understand about all things not being public and very good to know they’re good people. You’re right, it *is* complex ! 😉

Rob Gorski
Guest

Thanks for all your kind words and support. It really does mean a great deal to know that people care about myself and the kids.. ☺

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