Major update and follow up to Tuesday’s IEP meeting

I’m going to make this quick because I’m really tired but I promised I’d post this, so here it goes..

I already shared my take away from Tuesday’s IEP meeting so if you missed that, look here.


Basically, we are not going to abolish Elliott’s homework as I was so determined to initially and here’s why. 

Upon everyone sitting down and looking at the whole picture, current grades and the quality of work he’s churning out at school, there’s no question as to whether or not he’s physically capable of doing the work. 

There’s a plethora of reasons that he’s been struggling with homework at home, most of them emotional in nature.

That being said, there is an element of manipulation as well and because of that, the focus is not removing the homework but instead helping him develop the tools needed to overcome those emotional roadblocks. 

The plan is to call him current on all homework that’s outstanding and wipe the slate clean. 

We will have Elliott work on his homework for 9 minutes per night.  Whatever he doesn’t finish by the end of the week, will not be held against him. 

The goal is to build Elliott up and get him to a point where he’s knocking his homework out with no issues, which he’s physically capable of. 
To do this, we need to focus on helping him to overcome some of these emotional hurdles that are causing him distress. 

Part of the problem is that he’s very much focused on the time and is having problems concentrating. It’s easier for him to just not do the work because trying to concentrate is exhausting. 

Read This  HOW I'M ADDRESSING THIS: Even great things can lead to meltdowns and anxiety in kids with #Autism

I don’t have ADHD but I’ve spoken to enough people who either have it or are experienced in the area and essentially Elliott’s brain is moving too fast and we need to help him slow things down.  Part of that will be through medication but we are also going to put a plan together that will help him learn to do that on his own. 

The hope is that in conjunction with medication, we will be able to help him focus with less frustration. 

Dr. Pattie and I spoke tonight about all of this again. 

Elliott’s very, very smart and he knows how to play to his audience, hence the manipulation.  At the same time, we’re not thinking there’s a whole lot awareness in regards to these behaviors. 

Let me rephrase that. 

We think that he’s reacting to the situation in the only way he knows how.  He’s not sitting down and thinking, if I just throw a fit and freak out, I can get out of this. 

There’s a very distinct lack of ability to cope and manage situations like this appropriately or constructively.

Elliott’s extremely intelligent.  Dr. Pattie and I refer to both him and Emmett as scary smart because it’s truly shocking the level of cognition these two possess. 

As a result, it’s very easy to forget that both boys are profoundly emotionally delayed.  This means that while they are extremely intelligent, they’re very much behind in the emotional developmental department. That’s par for the course when it comes to Autism.

Read This  Feeling frustrated but determined 

This is very much going to be a work in progress but as we figure things out, I’ll share what we’re doing, as well as what works and what doesn’t work. 

I feel much better about this entire situation now because not only is everyone on the same page, Elliott’s not getting a free pass and we have a better handle on the problem and that gives us a direction. 

My main concern was making sure we have reasonable expectations set for him and that we established said expectations so everyone’s on the same page. There has to be continuity across the board.

I think this was overwhelmingly positive and we’ll see how things go.

That’s pretty much where we stand.

As I figure this out, I’ll be sure to share.

Thanks again for all the support and for taking the time to visit.  ☺☺

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  1. Darcy Dallin

    When the boys are with their mom – is that a no homework time? I would hope the boys would get a couple of days off a week, plus you don’t want to add to that stress with their mom, it’s stressful & aniexty ridden enough already. I hope maybe mom gets more interested in their education & maybe asks the boys what they are learning & maybe they can show mom & grandparents, but there being no obligation to do it unless mom wants to see them in action? Maybe the boys will get a kick out of teaching their parents a few new things? 🙂 Despite the new way of teaching math, which is stupid & harder for us older people, lol, my son does enjoy himself when he has to re-teach me something that I’ve forgotten from so far long ago. 🙂

  2. tannawings

    Nine minutes and working from there is very reasonable, and cleaning the slate seems realistic too so he can move forward. The only worrisome part, is if he is difficult for those 9 minutes and just sits there or doesnt attempt to do his homework, what did Pattie suggest? He can certainly control this situation easily if he figures it out. And no, in the previous post I didnt think he was very aware of how to play you except on a basic level…. if it works he will do it again, if it doesnt work he is smart enough to try a diifferent tactic. He is bright, thats for sure, and being bright but not having other skills is a tough nut to crack. Hopefully the med change is/will make a difference at school and at home.

    Have a great night, and hoping it all goes smoothly for you and for Elliot!

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