#Autism Parenting Confessions: I had a massive emotional breakdown

Everything that’s been going on in my life, finally came to a head yesterday morning. I didn’t get much sleep the night before and I was trying to finish getting the house ready for the security installation. My Mom had come over to help because she just that kind of person  and I love her for it..  💙

Emmett was home from school with a high fever, so I was already stressed out.  Plus I was putting pressure on myself to get everything ready for this system to be installed because not only will that benefit my family but it will benefit the Autism community.

Read This  Confessions of an #AutismDad: Lately, I've been beating myself up because I've fallen behind on so many things in my life.

Anyway, everything came to a head and I had a pretty massive breakdown or anxiety attack.

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I started not feeling well and extremely on edge.  My heart rate increased and I couldn’t stop myself from shaking.  I got sick to my stomach and ended up having to go hide in my bedroom, where I ended up sobbing. 

The more I cried the less nauseated I felt and the more relief I gained. 

Read This  Confessions of a struggling and stressed out #Autism Dad

I feel asleep for a really short time before everything started building back up again.  Eventually I dragged myself back downstairs and asked my Mom for a hug.  The emotional dam crumbled and I wept, which sorta freaked out the kids but there was nothing I could do at that point. 

After a little while, I was able to begin regaining my composure and started to feel better.  Gavin was the most impacted by this.  He came up to me and gave me a huge hug.  That just isn’t something that he normally does. 

Read This  Confessions: Things are NOT looking good 

I tried to explain to the boys that I was okay and that much like them, sometimes the world gets to be too much and this was sorta like a Daddy meltdown. 

It took some time to recover but recover I did…  I will say that being in that position was awful.  I’m still paying the price for it today because I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and frustrated with my life.




12 Comments

  1. I feel for you, I really do. It is hard being an autism parent -but going at it solo is a different kind of hard. Like you mentioned in your previous posts, there isn’t another set of eyes there to help you out. I don’t have any advice for you -just know that you aren’t alone -you have followers who know what you are going through, and even though we can’t take the pressure off -you aren’t alone out there. Hang in there and remember to take time for yourself -it is very important for you and your boys.

    1. Thank you. I really appreciate your compassion.. Not being alone is a lifeline I try to provide others and I realize just how important it that I do that, when someone does the same for me. Thank you so much for your kindness… ☺

  2. I feel for you, I really do. It is hard being an autism parent -but going at it solo is a different kind of hard. Like you mentioned in your previous posts, there isn’t another set of eyes there to help you out. I don’t have any advice for you -just know that you aren’t alone -you have followers who know what you are going through, and even though we can’t take the pressure off -you aren’t alone out there. Hang in there and remember to take time for yourself -it is very important for you and your boys.

    1. Thank you. I really appreciate your compassion.. Not being alone is a lifeline I try to provide others and I realize just how important it that I do that, when someone does the same for me. Thank you so much for your kindness… ☺

  3. tannawings

    I am glad your Mom was there for you . Single parenting isnt easy ever. Heck, parenting isnt easy when you get down to it. A good cry probably helped cleanse you. And Gavin is getting to be such a blessing for you. For a teen to freely give a huge hug, you know youre doing something right.
    Hang tough……..

    1. That was actually what helped me the most. The truth is, I feel like complete failure sometimes. Gavin wanted to know why I was so upset and there were too many reasons to explain and it’s not his burden to bare. I simply said that I don’t feel like I’m doing a good enough job. I said that I missed Mommy and that sometimes things just build up inside me and I have my own little meltdowns.

      It’s all true and I thought he would be able to relate.

      He gave me a big hug and told me that he was proud of me. He said that he knew I was doing the very best I could for him and his brothers. He even said I was doing a good job and that he was happy.

      Hearing him say those things meant so much but hearing him say that he was happy…… That added more tears to the mix because I must actually be doing something right for a kid with as many problems as he’s had his whole life, to say that he’s actually happy. That was very humbling…. ☺

      1. tannawings

        Geez Rob, give Gavin a hug…………. and tell him it’s all the way from Iowa. Yep, youre doing something right. That kid has come a very long way, and thats all thanks to you guiding him. Hugs, empathy , understanding, and most of all he is happy.
        Dry those tears buddy, you kick ass. You might not be ‘perfect’ but you are a perfect Dad to those boys. Don’t ever forget that.

  4. tannawings

    I am glad your Mom was there for you . Single parenting isnt easy ever. Heck, parenting isnt easy when you get down to it. A good cry probably helped cleanse you. And Gavin is getting to be such a blessing for you. For a teen to freely give a huge hug, you know youre doing something right.
    Hang tough……..

    1. That was actually what helped me the most. The truth is, I feel like complete failure sometimes. Gavin wanted to know why I was so upset and there were too many reasons to explain and it’s not his burden to bare. I simply said that I don’t feel like I’m doing a good enough job. I said that I missed Mommy and that sometimes things just build up inside me and I have my own little meltdowns.

      It’s all true and I thought he would be able to relate.

      He gave me a big hug and told me that he was proud of me. He said that he knew I was doing the very best I could for him and his brothers. He even said I was doing a good job and that he was happy.

      Hearing him say those things meant so much but hearing him say that he was happy…… That added more tears to the mix because I must actually be doing something right for a kid with as many problems as he’s had his whole life, to say that he’s actually happy. That was very humbling…. ☺

      1. tannawings

        Geez Rob, give Gavin a hug…………. and tell him it’s all the way from Iowa. Yep, youre doing something right. That kid has come a very long way, and thats all thanks to you guiding him. Hugs, empathy , understanding, and most of all he is happy.
        Dry those tears buddy, you kick ass. You might not be ‘perfect’ but you are a perfect Dad to those boys. Don’t ever forget that.

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