OMFG, I’m so ready to get off this ride

I barely got the kids to school today because Elliott and Emmett are struggling so much. This is so much worse this time around. I’m so frustrated because every single day is a nightmare now and the struggle is unbelievable.

When I had the boys to Akron Children’s Behavioral Health this week, we talked about how to help them manage. He explained that the boys had been traumatized in 2014 when their mom left and retraumatized when she left again in August. Unfortunately, there isn’t any medication that is going to fix this.

The only thing that will eventually help is time and lots of therapy. The problem at this point is that this trauma is so new and they still refuse to talk about it.

This is impacting every single aspect of their lives and I can’t do anything to take this burden away from them. I can’t explain how awful it feels to not be able to take away or even ease their pain.



Even worse is how frustrated I get every morning because school has become the bane of my existence. They can’t miss and it’s best that they go but I wish I didn’t have to force them. I feel so guilty everytime I have to do that because they want to be there but life is just too much for them right now.

This is something that would devastate any child but kids with Autism can struggle so much more for a million different reasons.

I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and more stressed out than I’ve been in years. My physical and emotional health are suffering and it’s even harder to do the things I need to in order to get both of those back on track. I’m struggling to manage my depression and that’s not a good thing either.

Currently, I’m waiting for the car to get out of service and I’ll probably have to go pick up Emmett because his mouth hurts so badly.

OMFG…I’m so ready to get off this ride, this turbulent emotional roller-coaster.

7 comments

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  1. Rob,

    I’m rooting for you to sustain more energy to get through this. I’m wondering if the commentator Fletch has a point. Your precious children may have the incorrect idea that you were involved with their mother leaving. If that is the case, you have got to concentrate on their safety, comfort, and security (and yours too). This means a very, very difficult choice: cutting off all contact from their mother, terminating her rights to see them. If she comes back, there is a possibility of her leaving again. How many more times will she break their hearts?
    You can do this, Rob. You’ve been doing this for awhile. You may need to veg out for awhile. Try to catch as many breaks as you can. Sorry that this is happening.

    1. It’s not necessarily like that. I get what you’re saying and I appreciate the sentiment but the kids are safe. The visits are important. While I don’t agree with many things that have happened, there’s no question that she loves the kids. This is an adjustment period and one that isn’t going very smoothly but I’m working on it. Everyone involved wants the best for the kids and unfortunately, this is for the best.

    • Fletch on October 5, 2019 at 2:06 pm
    • Reply

    Have you apologized to the boys? For letting their mom come back? Kids are weird and they might think it’s your fault she left again, especially autistic kids because they generalize so much. In their minds they might be thinking that if you hadn’t brought her home she couldn’t have left again. Just food for thought.

    • Cindy on October 4, 2019 at 11:10 am
    • Reply

    Are the boys still doing group therapy sessions with Lizze?

    1. Yup

        • Josh on October 4, 2019 at 12:08 pm
        • Reply

        Why isnt she taking the boys more? You need a break while it seems like she has been checked out.

        • Cindy on October 4, 2019 at 2:53 pm
        • Reply

        Well that’s good. Hopefully they can work through some of the anxiety, upset and questions they have while in therapy with her. It’s a safe place where they can open up. Hopefully it’s with Dr. Patti as she’s been in their lives for years and should be able to provide that safe environment!

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