My day is like an emotional roller-coaster. We absolutely had some high points but we also had low points and other points in between.
Emmett absolutely kicked ass today and him returning to school full time is the highlight of my week right now.
The problem is they are struggling with all that life has dealt them recently. They are very angry, hurt and confused. Divorce isn’t easy for any child but kids on the spectrum can often struggle significantly more, for a million different reasons.
We are still moving forward but they are very angry with their mom and it can sometimes spill over into our daily lives. It tends to happen mostly at night because that’s when they’re less distracted and think about it more.
I’m trying to keep them busy and spending more time with family. I feel that surrounding ourselves with family is one of the best things I can do. Last night I took the kids to my parents house for an impromptu pizza and game night. It was serious fun.
For my part, I’ve moved forward. It sucks, especially the how’s and why’s behind all this but it is what it is and I can’t change it. My struggle revolves around seeing my kids in pain. That’s so hard for me because I can’t take that pain away. I can get them help and actively try to foster a healthy, productive, meaningful relations between them and their mom but I can’t make anyone do anything.
I’m very grateful that the kids at least have a relationship with their mom.
No matter what has happened, she will always be their mother and that absolutely commands my respect. Even if I hated her, and I don’t, I would want the kids to have the best relationship with her they could. She’s an important part of their lives and I just want to see that relationship heal. It’s a work in progress and does create a great deal of stress for the kids and subsequently me as well.
The good news is that Emmett is back at school. Both boys are opening up about their feelings and Gavin has started to as well. I’m tired and often overwhelmed but what parent can say they aren’t?
Life is not meant to be easy or pain-free. It’s these experiences that help to shape us as we move forward. My job is to take care of myself and be a leader for my kids. I need to be able to lead them through this.
I’m working on that.