It’s been 365 days since my wife left and there’s still confusion and heartache

This post focuses purely on the emotional aspect to this major milestone in my life.  It’s not meant to be depressing but instead to provide insight into what I’ve been experiencing for the last year on very visceral level.


I’ve thought long and hard about the coming of this day.  It’s 365 days in the making and I’m not totally sure how I feel about it. 

Today makes 365 days since my wife of 12 years walked away for a new life. 

The worst day of my life occurred 365 days ago today. I’m sorta big on anniversary dates because they’re milestones and this is an enormous milestone for me.

As I’m writing this post, I have my youngest sleeping next to me.  He doesn’t sleep by himself anymore and hasn’t for the last 365 days.

I’m really nervous about today because I don’t know how it’s going to hit me, if at all. Luckily I’m going to be really busy and won’t have much dead time to spend thinking. 

Trying to explain what it feels like for my best friend of over 15 years and the mother on my children, to just walk away one day is difficult.

I’ll just say that I don’t use the words worst day of my life lightly.

I’ve spent the last 365 days trying to understand what happened because I was completely blindsided. While I don’t discuss the details of what happened that night, it’s not to protect her.  I don’t want the kids reading about this some day.  If they ever need to know, I’ll explain it to the best of my ability. 

Going into the 365th day of my journey as a single parent is a big deal for me. 

While I don’t mind the boys seeing me emotional, I don’t want them to become anxious or upset because they see me upset today.

I’m going to keep myself as busy as I can, in order to avoid dead time. 

To be completely honest, my brain is scattered right now and are equally jumbled as well. I think I’m going to end this post now because I can’t even finish my thoughts. 

As a parting note,  I’m going into today with a positive attitude and I plan on doing my best to move past this. 

Good night everyone.  🙂

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  • Superglrl

    The_Autism_Dad Sorry Rob, it’s tremendously painful, and time can only dull it, best to be as honest and open about it as you can now.

  • Jul Smith

    You know what, it’s still bloody confusing to me too. I’ve been following for about 5 years now..which seems crazy in itself. I never would’ve seen this coming, even with all of Lizze’s health concerns.
    Best of luck for today Rob

  • Nell Rus

    Your ex wife is a terrible person for leaving you to handle all this on your own.

  • The Autism Dad

    She’s not a terrible person but I certainly don’t agree with what happened. I’m trying not allow anything to be said that the boys couldn’t read. I know you mean well but she’s still the mother of my kids… U0001f609

  • I have been reading your blog for years and I was not surprised to learn she had left you, but only because I know a lot of marriages involving kids end in . I may be just a reader of your blog (and hers) but I never saw any warning signs or indications that you were deficient as a husband. Quite the opposite in fact.

    I know I know nothing about it but unless you have grossly misrepresented the situation, what did seems cruel. To walk out like that with no attempt to fix whatever was bothering her, without even any warning. Based on that fact alone I’d say you’re better off without her.

    • Hey Meg 🙂

      Yeah, no misrepresentation. By not sharing what happened, I’m trying to take the higher road and prevent my kids from ever knowing. I have no problems admitting my faults. I wasn’t perfect. I did the very best I could with the cards I was dealt. I was devoted and loved with all my heart. I never strayed from my marriage and did my best to cater to her every need.

      I don’t mind sharing what she said was the problem because that’s a reflection on me. What I won’t do is disclose some of the choices she made. While they did happen to me, I just don’t want the kids to know. Maybe when they’re older…

      She felt that I did everything I could to ignore her existence and didn’t take care of her. I was too heavily focused on the kids, which is something that can happen with kids and yes, I am heavily focused on our kids. She didn’t like the blog and the amount of time I put into it. She felt that I took Gavin’s side too often and we disagreed on many things involving him. I never publically disagreed with her but it was a point of contention. Anyone in our personal life would be able to tell you that. She wanted more than everything I could give her and I ended up not being enough.

      That’s what I’m told I did wrong.

      Like I said, I’m far from perfect. I don’t happen see things the same way as she did/does but there wasn’t anything I could do. I was unable to convince her to enter .

      At the end of the day, I have my kids and she barely sees them and that was her decision. That should speak volumes.

      Truthfully, I don’t know if I will ever be able to stop loving her. At the same time, there are simply some decisions that just are not compatible with marriage. She’s not well and anyone that either read her blog or has first hand knowledge (and I mean face to face knowledge) knows that’s the case.

      It’s sad and I still struggle at times but the woman I fell in love with, married and built a with, no longer exists.

      • This story reminds me very much of my parents’ . Now, their marriage was terrible and this was obvious towards everyone. My mother was very abusive towards my father and to us kids — seven in all. She didn’t hit anyone, mind. She didn’t have to. We were all terrified of her tantrums. She was just bristling with rage all the time, at the smallest of things, and could change from a nice person to a screeching harpy in half a second. She’s still like that.

        I’m pretty sure she’s got borderline personality disorder; she has a lot of the symptoms. When got diagnosed with that I remember thinking you, Rob, were in for a h*ll of a time. But Mom refuses to even acknowledge there is anything wrong and we can’t make her seek treatment.

        Re: my parents’ divorce. It went like this: Mom told my there were major deficiencies on his part and demanded they go to . So they did. But after only one or two sessions, Mom decided to stop going, since according to her the problem was all his and she didn’t need any fixing. I don’t know why the marriage counselor let her get away with this, but that’s how it worked out. Dad went to see the counselor for months and Mom never went. Then she asked for a divorce.

        There was no infidelity. My father did not abuse my mother; he didn’t even stand up for himself when she abused him. She just decided, like Lizze did, that she wanted out.

        Basically, by the time Mom had asked for marriage counseling she had already decided to end the marriage. The whole marriage counseling thing was just to try to convince people people that she had tried to make it work and that Dad was to blame. We kids were not fooled. My father was devastated by this all. He didn’t realize how horribly my mother treated him; he thought all relationships were like that or something, I guess. I immediately set about persuading him that
        A) The divorce wasn’t his fault.
        B) He’d done nothing wrong.
        C) He was better off without my mother.
        D) The divorce was the greatest favor she ever did for him in 35 years.

        I think he believes all those things now, but it’s been several years.

        As for Lizze, I did read her blog as well as yours. I remember her last entry, where she wrote something about how she was going to stop blogging and set up a new life for herself and “my boys.” And now she only sees them for a few days a month. Leaving you holding the bag, so to speak.