I have to get real about my health

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I’m feeling a bit of anxiety about this afternoon because I see my doctor for a check up. Despite my efforts, I’m not losing a great deal weight, and my blood pressure is high enough that it concerns me. 

I’ve lost a total of 11lbs but not much has happened since, but I’m not gaining it back either. Little victories right? 

My real concern is chronic stress. The amount of stress I endure each day is indescribable. I tend to think of it as radiation exposure. A little bit here or there won’t hurt too bad. However, taking a stroll in downtown Chernobyl is not something anyone would recommend. 

Maybe that’s not the best analogy but the point is, long term exposure to stress can be catastrophic. Much like radiation, it’s invisible and all around us. 

I fear that my body is finally starting to pay the price. 

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I totally understand that my weight has an impact on my blood pressure, but I know how I feel, and how I feel is overwhelmed by stress. To make matters worse, stress and Depression are like best friends. The more stressed out I get the worse my Depression gets. 

I’m not taking this lying down. I’m watching what I eat, exercising as much as I can, and trying to decompress throughout the day. Having said that, it’s not easily done in a house full of Autism. lol or :’-(

I use humor and writing as a main source of coping. It really does help. I also talk to my shrink when I feel the need, but the rest of the time, I fly by the seat of my pants. It doesn’t always work out well for me but it’s gotten me this far. 

The truth is, if I strip away all the Anxiety I’m feeling about my health right now, I’m actually on the right track. I’m not accomplishing as much as I’d like, but I am moving forward. 

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There are some things I’d like to add to my life that I suspect will help out. 

I want to learn meditation. I want to find a way to improve my sleep quality. I also want to put a major focus on drinking enough water. I seem to always mess that up and I know it’s having a huge negative impact on my body. I carry around my water with me but get distracted and forget. 

Here’s the bottom line. I have to own everything that’s within my control. I could be exercising more and taking better advantage of any opportunities to sleep. Those kinds of things are on me. The rest is something I have to figure out how to better deal with. 

For the moment, I just want to make over this enormous emotional obstacle of seeing my doctor today.