The #truth about #Depression and how it’s currently kicking my ass

Depression fucking sucks. That pretty much sums it up. I could easily use some extra expletives but my Mom reads this and I’m trying to keep the language in check. lol

I’ve been waring with major Depression since my early teens. Many battles have been fought over the years, some were won and other’s not. Overall, I do okay managing my Depression and keeping its symptoms in check. Sometimes however, I don’t do so well and this is one of those times.

For whatever reason, I’m struggling right now. I have very little patience at this point. I’m completely overwhelmed by everything and everyone.

It’s me. I know it’s totally me but at the same time, I feel like I’ve currently reached a place where I simply cannot cope any longer with all the demands. Between the kids, work, the house, our insane neighborhood and Maggie licking everything, it’s just too much.

The newest thing is Maggie. She’s getting older, losing her hearing, sight and sense of smell. We still call her, expecting her to respond but she doesn’t because she can’t hear us anymore. Her newest thing is licking. She licks everything and everyone. It one thing to get Maggie kisses, but it’s like she’s losing her mind.

She will lay down on the floor and just start licking it. There’s nothing there but the floor and she’s endlessly licking it. She licks the couch, the carpet, her blankets, the front door, the bay window and my personal favorite, her vagina. I get she’s a dog. I also get that’s how she cleans herself as well, but the sound she makes is awful and drives everyone crazy.

There’s nothing we can really do for her because there’s nothing correctable going on.

She’s suffering from TMB, otherwise known as too many birthdays.

It’s not her fault and I love her to pieces but it’s just one more thing I have to deal with.

I know that nothing is as bad as it seems right now, I really do understand that. The problem is, when one is depressed, you sorta experience life through a fog or haze. It’s hard to see things clearly and for what they really are.

That’s pretty much where I am tonight but I’m hoping tomorrow will be better for all of us. I’m going to try and get a decent night’s sleep before taking on Sunday.

I know I’ll be okay. I also know that things will get better for me, even if it doesn’t feel like that. I’m simply giving you all a bit of insight into my personal struggles. Talking about things like depression, is very important. No one should suffer in silence.

Good night. I’ll see you all in the morning..

Rob Gorski

Full time, work from home single Dad to my 3 amazing boys. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)
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I’m going to say something that you may not want to hear but I feel like it’s important. I don’t think you are managing your depression as well as you think you are. If you search your blog for the word ‘depression’, PAGES of posts come up; 3 pages for this year alone. I’m not saying this as a judgment, but I think that you may not be seeing the forest for the trees and maybe going back to one-on-one therapy with someone other than Dr. Pattie might be a good idea. Your life is overwhelming on a good day and it really does seem like you might need a little extra help right now. The boys already have one parent who has a hard time getting out of bed, they don’t need two. They deserve better than that and so do you. Your recent posts have reeked of depression; it was very clear what was going on. Please seek some outside help. You deserve to feel better and be the best version of yourself that you can be.

Rob Gorski

I really appreciate that Kim. Here’s the absolute truth. Therapy hasn’t ever really worked for me and here’s why. I have this thing in my head that has always interfered with therapy and it’s stupid but apparently effective. I’ve never done well with paying someone to listen to me talk about my problems. In my head, the only reason they’re there is because I’m paying them. Dr. Pattie is different because we’ve known her for well over a decade and there were many, many times she didn’t get paid.

Part of what is stressing me out right now is that we’re close to Christmas and I have about $1,000.00 worth of invoices that are overdue or soon to be overdue. I wanted to be done with Christmas way ahead of time this year, so we didn’t have to stress out at the last minute.

Lizze is actually doing much better, as they seem to have found a good medication balance.

As for me, you’re probably right. I know you’re right about the depression hitting me harder lately. Some of the posts are meant to simply discuss depression and others are more than that.

It seems like I go through these cycles where I’m doing really well and then I’ll begin struggling a bit or even a lot. My biggest outlet was walking and that’s much harder to do now that the weather sucks and our treadmill finally died. That said, I’m taking advantage of a beautiful sunny day today and I’m going to go walking at the track. The kids are gone and I need this for myself. ☺

Again, I really appreciate your concern and I need to find better ways of managing my depression, whether it’s therapy, medication, exercise or a combination of the above.. For now, I’m going to go walking and do what I can to help myself in the moment… ☺