Today was one of those days where I seriously need a break. The holidays alone are a tremendous amount of pressure. There’s parties and family get togethers that really add pressure to the cooker. If we go, the kids are going to be even more difficult to manage but if we don’t go, not everyone understands.
Lizze and I haven’t had a night to ourselves in I don’t even remember. I think we had one night off since September-ish. It’s not anyone’s fault and we’re absolutely grateful for the times we do get away from the kids. Sometimes life happens and circumstances change. It’s outside of anyone’s control.
At the same time, it sucks.
I’m so physically exhausted and I was talking to our therapist tonight about it. I’m concerned about my depression. I’ve been on the same meds for many years now and the side effects still suck. Weight gain, cloudy thinking, as well as others and it’s so hard for me to write like I used to.
The problem is that all those things could be signs of my depression not being managed probably (medication-wise) or they could be side effects of the medications themselves. It could also simply be extreme exhaustion or some combination of everything.
Making any changes to my meds is a difficult process for me because I’m the main everything in the house. Lizze has her challenges that limit her. She’s been doing better but this last round of weather has made it hard for her to even move around much because she’s in too much pain.
Our situation is such that there is no fix for any of this. Some may argue to the contrary but for anyone in the trenches with us in real life, they know there’s no fix. What we can do however, is not give up and instead figure out ways to make the best of what we’re given. Continued on page 2