Do I have less patience now?

Gavin had therapy tonight and one of the things that I mentioned to the therapist is that I just don’t have patience for Gavin anymore. We discussed that briefly before something occurred to me.

Perhaps this is a philosophical question but it’s something I think Special Needs parents should keep in mind as their kids get older and perhaps more challenging.

First of all, let’s be crystal clear. I’m as far from perfect as any one person can be. I’m human and I have very human limits. That being said, the people who know me in real life, have been saying forever that I have the patience of a Saint, especially when it comes to Gavin.

In all fairness to myself, I did have a seemingly endless supply of patience. Lately however, I just don’t feel like I have the same level of patience for Gavin’s behaviors that I used to have.

This is quite upsetting for me because none of Gavin’s behaviors are his fault. Sure, he makes decisions that create problems but his decision making ability is severely impaired.


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    • Jimmy Rock on July 26, 2018 at 4:32 pm
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    Why does anyone “run out of patience”, “lose their patience”, or have their “patience wear thin”? After time, in your case, years and years, patience can and will erode. So sure, over time, your ability to tolerate certain things can lessen. That’s why old people can be so cranky lol.

    But in all seriousness, have you considered the effect of your weaning yourself off antidepressants has taken? I mean, that’s a huge variable thrown into the mix. And how would you know objectively anyway? It has to be difficult, if not impossible, to be so self-aware to be able to completely step outside of yourself to objectively analyze that…

    Sorry you’re struggling…

    1. Hey Jimmy. Great to hear from ya… Great points.

      I didn’t wean myself off without the guidance and supervision of my doctor, just so we’re clear on that. I am very self-aware but could I isolate whether or not meds are the problem? That’s a good question.

      I know that I feel significantly better than I have in a long time. I’m more active, losing weight and very much improving my overall health. Also, I’m still an antidepressant. I was on two of them and only came off the Paxil.

      I can recognize that I’m feeling a certain way because I’m struggling with depression. I know that many times, depression is skewing the way I see things. I can know but it doesn’t change the impact it has.

      I’m not sure any level of self-awareness could help with that. It’s something that I have to work through, at least that what I’ve been doing.

      I don’t think I can completely step outside of myself and I not sure anyone without serious meditation skills can. I do however, recognize when I’m struggling and can make adjustments to help or get whatever help I may need.

      I don’t know. Maybe that doesn’t make sense.

      The best thing for me is to build better coping skills because medication can only get me so far, I have to walk the rest of the way.

      Thanks for your thoughts my friend. ☺

    • kimmy gebhardt on July 26, 2018 at 2:51 pm
    • Reply

    It may also be option 3: you have the same amount of patience and Gavin requires the same amount of patience but you have 3 other people in your house who also require it. Lizze is in pain most days and can’t always help out in the way that she wants to and you need her to; Elliott is deep into preteen angst and anxiety and is showing symptoms of being bipolar; Emmett hates shoes and his signature. I don’t say that in a flippant way, but those are just examples of what you’re dealing with from people in your house who are not Gavin. In any event, you need something just for you. Going somewhere (e.g. therapy) once a week or every other week for an hour would be a lifesaver for you. To have someone listen to you and just you and make you the important person in the room would probably go a long way in your life. Someone who isn’t taking care of your family too. Let Lizze handle the boys for an hour once a week. If she can’t do it, talk to your parents or her parents and have them help. Stop thinking that you have to fix everyone else’s problems and let someone fix yours.

    1. I don’t agree with everything because Gavin is definitely requiring more patience, that’s simply a fact. That said, the rest is well received and you’re right, all of those things play a roll. I don’t know if I shared this but I’m walking everyday again and have been for a couple weeks. I walk at least 2.5 miles a night and it definitely helps. I’m creeping up on 30 lbs of weightloss. That’s my version of therapy. Talking to someone helps but being able to put my earbuds in, listen to music or a podcast and focus on walking is amazing. ☺

        • Kim gebhardt on July 26, 2018 at 4:36 pm
        • Reply

        Why not do both? Music is always something I love too, but music won’t help you get to the source of your depression. That’s what therapy is for. Not many people like introspection but it’s almost always helpful. A good therapist can help with that.

        1. It’s just never been something that works very well for me. I have this weird thing about paying someone to listen to me. For me personally, solitude and exercise work the best. If things are really bad I can talk to someone but as an ongoing thing, it just never really benefited me much. The source of my depression is never going away. Many times it’s genetic and can’t be fixed. It requires ongoing maintance. In my case, I’ve been dealing with depression for most of my life. There isn’t something I can point to that is to blame.

          My post traumatic stress is another story and sometimes talking helps with that but most people can’t understand.

          I’ve seen things as a medic that no human should ever see. I’ve seen kids die in ways that still haunt me. The people that get it are others who have been there and I don’t have access to them anymore. Maybe if there was a support group but I haven’t found any.

          I do appreciate your advice though. ☺

    • CJ on July 26, 2018 at 11:05 am
    • Reply

    Interesting food for thought. What was the therapists take on this?

    1. It makes sense. It doesn’t mean I’m without fault but it help to understand that the situation has become more difficult to manage and it’s not that I’m losing my edge. Sometimes it helps to realize that things aren’t always as they seem on the surface.. ☺

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