Do I have less patience now?

Gavin had therapy tonight and one of the things that I mentioned to the therapist is that I just don’t have patience for Gavin anymore. We discussed that briefly before something occurred to me.

Perhaps this is a philosophical question but it’s something I think Special Needs parents should keep in mind as their kids get older and perhaps more challenging.

First of all, let’s be crystal clear. I’m as far from perfect as any one person can be. I’m human and I have very human limits. That being said, the people who know me in real life, have been saying forever that I have the patience of a Saint, especially when it comes to Gavin.

In all fairness to myself, I did have a seemingly endless supply of patience. Lately however, I just don’t feel like I have the same level of patience for Gavin’s behaviors that I used to have.

This is quite upsetting for me because none of Gavin’s behaviors are his fault. Sure, he makes decisions that create problems but his decision making ability is severely impaired.

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kimmy gebhardt

It may also be option 3: you have the same amount of patience and Gavin requires the same amount of patience but you have 3 other people in your house who also require it. Lizze is in pain most days and can’t always help out in the way that she wants to and you need her to; Elliott is deep into preteen angst and anxiety and is showing symptoms of being bipolar; Emmett hates shoes and his signature. I don’t say that in a flippant way, but those are just examples of what you’re dealing with from people in your house who are not Gavin. In any event, you need something just for you. Going somewhere (e.g. therapy) once a week or every other week for an hour would be a lifesaver for you. To have someone listen to you and just you and make you the important person in the room would probably go a long way in your life. Someone who isn’t taking care of your family too. Let Lizze handle the boys for an hour once a week. If she can’t do it, talk to your parents or her parents and have them help. Stop thinking that you have to fix everyone else’s problems and let someone fix yours.

Kim gebhardt

Why not do both? Music is always something I love too, but music won’t help you get to the source of your depression. That’s what therapy is for. Not many people like introspection but it’s almost always helpful. A good therapist can help with that.

Jimmy Rock

Why does anyone “run out of patience”, “lose their patience”, or have their “patience wear thin”? After time, in your case, years and years, patience can and will erode. So sure, over time, your ability to tolerate certain things can lessen. That’s why old people can be so cranky lol.

But in all seriousness, have you considered the effect of your weaning yourself off antidepressants has taken? I mean, that’s a huge variable thrown into the mix. And how would you know objectively anyway? It has to be difficult, if not impossible, to be so self-aware to be able to completely step outside of yourself to objectively analyze that…

Sorry you’re struggling…

CJ

Interesting food for thought. What was the therapists take on this?

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