I was so frustrated I could scream (this is a very sensitive topic) – Page 3

I was so frustrated I could scream (this is a very sensitive topic)

Do you see where this is going? He has no comprehension of time and because he doesn’t know, he’s making something up and he likes odd numbers. It’s so incredibly frustrating because we’re trying to help him and he can’t provide us with anything that’s helpful or accurate.

I flat out asked him, when you were really ichy, did you use a pencil or sharp object to scratch it. He said no way. I’m still not convinced that he was telling me the truth about that but at this point, I’m looking for a wall to beat my head into so we moved on.

I probably asked him ten different ways, if there was anything else we need to know. I told him that we will be the judge of whether or not it’s important.

After another twenty minutes of digging for answers, I asked him if he was pooping okay or if it’s difficult. I figured, maybe we’re dealing with a fissure or something. That would explain the pain. He said no that everything was really easy. When I asked him to explain what that meant, he got upset because he didn’t want to talk about it.

After another frustrating round of freak outs and questions, he told us that’s he’s had diarrhea for awhile. I asked him why he didn’t tell us that because that’s a problem. He said he didn’t think it was a big deal.

I asked him how long he’s had diarrhea for and you won’t believe how long he says he’s had it…. That’s right, three days.

At this point, three has lost all meaning and now it’s dead to me. Three days could be a week or two weeks. It’s just a made up number and has nothing to do with anything.

Long story short, we were able to figure out the most likely cause of his problems. He has diarrhea and because he does, he’s probably going to the bathroom more often and having to clean himself up more as well. He’s probably cleaning himself a bit too aggressively.

When I asked how many times he was wiping, he said (and this is going to blow your mind) three times.

I mentally walked away at that point. I would have physically walked away if I hadn’t been driving seventy miles an hour down the freeway. I had to check out because if I didn’t, I was literally going to scream. Not even at him. Just scream.

We just needed to figure out if we were going to the fucking emergency room or not. That’s all we needed to do and it didn’t come easy. Thankfully, the boys had their headphones on and they were spared from all of this.

I told him that from now on, we will be the ones to decide what’s important and what isn’t. He needs to tell anytime something is different and we will decide if it’s a concern or not. I realize that’s going to be a nightmare in and of itself but I don’t know any other way.

My stress level is through the roof and I need to go walking but I’m not sure I’ll be able to sneak away.

This is the kind of thing that causes me to age so much faster than I’m supposed to.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

most voted
newest oldest
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Is it possible that Gavin picks up on tension around him and that makes it difficult to divulge a problem? Speaking from my own experience as an autistic adult, I remember my dad used to get annoyed and upset if I said I needed to go to the bathroom while we were out at an activity, so I trained myself to stop saying it and would hold it to the point of pain and only go if he went. I got yelled at if I threw up or complained of not feeling well. I learned to hide it if I was sick until I couldn’t hide it anymore. I didn’t speak up if I was in pain.

So I was taught that needing to use the bathroom when somebody else doesn’t have to is bad and I have a hard time speaking up when I need to go. Fortunately I haven’t had any accidents, but I’ve sat in pain with diarrhea cramps before and nearly messed myself to avoid having to say I was having a tummy problem.

I’m not saying you do that. It’s just…if you look annoyed he might pick up on that annoyance and feel guilty about saying he had a problem. I know you are under a lot of pressure in your household, so sometimes that steam escapes in ways we’re not aware of. Autistic people are very good at sucking up the tension in the room and then getting tense themselves and may not be aware they are doing this. It’s like walking into a room where people are arguing and feeling like I’m upset for no reason.

Moving on, an idea to help Gavin with his sore butt might be baby wipes, if he’ll tolerate them. They’re moist and wet which might help him clean up better after a diarrhea episode.


I completely get this. My son had been having some tooth pain that he described as “minor”. We saw some gum irritation and set up a dentist appt which was about a week away. We intermittently gave him some Tylenol when he asked for it. Two days before his appt., he went to bed and because so agitated about the pain that he actually went downstairs after we were in bed and tried to pull his own tooth with pliers. He almost got it out and ended up killing the nerve. We were lucky enough to save the tooth with a root canal and some bracing, but it just highlights how these poor kids don’t have a relative sense of what they should report.


It sounds like hemorrhoids. If he is also having diarrhea, the (not to get too gross) residue, is probably not getting cleaned up completely and that causes the itching. Add the overwiping and your going to get swollen down there. Pain and itching are classic symptoms of this, even if you can’t see anything popping out it might be internal. I would give him wet wipes that have witch hazel in them and some Preparation H although that might be a bit of an adventure to apply properly. If they are external, then get a sitz bath and some Epsom salts or even an ice pack can help if the pain is super overwhelming. I wouldn’t jump straight to omg it’s a fissure. Hemmerhoids can be super debailitating. I would have thought that would have been picked up in the colonoscopy but if you have a couple of good sessions of straining to go or bad diarrhea, they can develop very quickly.

It could be something else completely of course, but it sounds pretty classic.

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x