Why do I even bother making plans anymore?

It’s been a somewhat challenging morning. Lizze is really struggling with the loss of her grandmother at the moment. People grieve their own way and in their own time.

My job is to support her through this process, without rushing her but maybe gently nudging her from time to time. It’s very easy to lose ourselves in dispair and sometimes we need someone there to throw us a lifeline, even if we don’t realize we’re drowning.

Anyway, our original plans for this morning needed to be adjusted.



Oddly enough, my calendar said there wasn’t any school today. There isn’t any school tomorrow because of conference’s but I’m not sure why I had it as a four day weekend in the calender.

Emmett got to wear pj’s to school today and that was super exciting because he just got a new pair on a Monday..

My Dad called me this morning to see if I could go help my Mom with my Grandpa. My Mom doesn’t like to bother anyone and it drives me crazy because if anyone in the family understands what being a caregiver is like, it’s me. I want to help in any way that I can.

The plan was to drop the kids off, go walking and then stop by my parents house to help my Mom. I had called her to figure out what time would be best because the VA was coming to evaluate my Grandpa at some point this morning.

The kids got off to school, I got my walking done and I stopped by to help my Mom. She had already accomplished what I was supposed to help her with, so I hung out until the VA arrived and then headed home to eat something.

I need to put something in the crockpot for dinner but I haven’t figured that out just yet.

I’m fucking exhausted and just want to go to bed but there’s too much that needs done. I’ve got too many things to worry about and taking a nap isn’t in the cards right now. With any luck, I’ll go to bed early tonight because I have another long day tomorrow.

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    • Pony on November 8, 2018 at 12:01 pm
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    You bring up a very interesting point. Isn’t it so interesting how people cope with death? Some would say, well he/she was 80/90 years old, this wasn’t a surprise he/she lived a long full life. While others just become devastated and can’t move on. I think it is a good idea for you to not let her wallow in this

    Hope you find something yummy for the crockpot

    1. Agreed. It’s a very fine balance. I’ve seen so much death in my previous career as a Fair/medic that I’ve become callus to it and that’s not good either.

      In Lizze’s case, he grandmother was very special to her and she’s feeling more like the loss of a parent. She’s still functioning but there are times when it just hits her pretty hard and she wants to hide from the world. All I can do is be compassionate but at the same time, help her find a way to move forward.

      As for the crockpot, I still have a roast.. It was a BOGO deal last week. ☺

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        • BeckyW on November 8, 2018 at 2:05 pm
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        You know, I think how hard a death is doesn’t depend on the person’s age. I was pretty sad when I lost my dad to cancer. That was a hard knock. Now for my mom she was going down over a period of a year and a half so that was when most of my grieving happened. BUT…if I had lived near them and saw them every week or nearly every day it would’ve been harder. Not living close by helped because I could forget, as seeing or dealing with my parents wasn’t a part of my routine.

          • Pony on November 8, 2018 at 3:46 pm
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          That was kind of my point, that it is interesting how different people cope with it. And for me, personally the person’s age defiantly makes a difference. I lost my father last year at the age of 75. Of course it was a hard knock, but less of a knock had he died at say 35. It is all personal

          But we should all be prepared for these things because we are at an age where it is just natural to start losing parents, and if you are lucky enough to still have them, grandparents

            • Amy G on November 8, 2018 at 8:07 pm
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            This is very true, Pony. I just found out today that my dear grandfather passed away last night. It’s been coming for a while, his Parkinson’s had been worsening to the point he could no longer recognize anyone, and he lost ability to communicate. He actually lasted a little longer than the docs thought he would. I’m shedding my tears of course, but with the disease going on for so long and me living so far away, while I am sad, I can still do the day-to-day thing. My mother, however, is having a very hard time of it. I’m grateful that I am having the reaction that I am, so I can be strong for her.

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