Today is one of those days where I’m not coping well with life. I’m feeling overwhelmed by everything going on around me, and part of me wants to run away.
Everyone is struggling in their own way, and there isn’t a great deal I can do to help. That’s a powerless feeling, and it sucks. Some of the things I could have control over, I don’t because I lack the resources to address them. That feels even worse.
Lizze is very limited in many ways, so the bulk of everything is falling on me, and that’s okay. Gavin is pretty much out of his mind (for lack of a better phrase), and the other two boys are not having an easy go at things either.
I’m looking at a ton of housework that needs to be finished, a yard that’s in shambles and writing that needs to get done.
Part of the struggle with everything is that we don’t operate like a well-oiled machine, and that’s not really anyone’s fault. Everyone has very real limitations, and it’s my job to find ways of working within them. I have no problems challenging them, but it’s a very fine line, and I need to remain mindful of where everyone is. Pushing anyone too far or outside of their capabilities can be a very bad thing, not to mention, wholly counterproductive, as well as unfair.
To put things simply, it’s a lot.
I don’t mean to come across as though I’m complaining, because that’s not my intention. I’m not upset with anyone, and I understand entirely why things are the way they are. I guess I’m venting my frustrations and at the same time, hoping to help you better understand the complexity of families like mine.
I’m trying to focus on things I have control over. I’m writing in between loads of laundry, and I’m making a small list of tasks that need to be done immediately.
At the same time, I need to remember my limitations and not push myself too far passed them as well.
I wonder if you could enlist your younger sons in more housework. It might be harder in the short term, but might really help you to feel like you’re not alone carrying the burdens. Of course this only works if they aren’t already doing chores.
I know at home sometimes having others pitch in helps with my morale too. I can make my queen size bed alone, but with Henry helping it goes quicker. And if I’m not feeling good it also boosts my spirits.