I’m feeling quite overwhelmed, frustrated, and guilty today. I’m really trying to remain positive, but I need to replace our car in the worst way. We have four or five trips to the Cleveland Clinic before the end of the month alone, and I’m not wanting to keep pushing the car to go on these trips.
We’re having lots of electrical issues on top of all the mechanical and physical problems already present.
It’s frustrating because I try so hard to make everything work and while things could be much worse than they currently are, I can’t seem to get us to a better place. I’m really trying to focus on writing, building partnerships and inking new as deals, so I can provide for my family in a more meaningful way. I am making considerable progress and that’s definitely a positive thing, but it’s inconsistent right now.
Groceries are chewing up most of our limited budget, and all of the kids are struggling with sensory-related food issues, which makes feeding them very difficult and incredibly expensive. I think the more stressed out they get, the worse these sensitivities become. It’s probably related to the fact that resources needed to better cope with the sensory stuff are being used on other things in their life.
There are so many things that I can’t fix because I have zero control. I can’t take away many or most of the kids struggles and I can’t take away Lizze’s pain. I can’t make the health problems go away or our neighborhood safer so the kids can play outside.
I have a great deal of guilt over those things. I call it irrational guilt because it’s guilt over things I have no control over. I think irrational guilt is common amongst people in the special needs parenting community. It’s just one of those things that we deal with.
Replacing our car or moving to a safer location are both things that I should be able to provide for my family, but I’ve been unable to. Hence, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and guilty.