I’ve not been around much the last few days, and I wanted to drop a quick line and let you know everything is okay.
What’s happening right now is that I’m re-evaluating my priorities, and focusing on personal growth. I’ve been distracted, overwhelmed, and easily frustrated. That can make me a less than stellar husband and father.
You may be interested to learn that I’m going to seek out a dedicated therapist for myself. I haven’t had one in a while. Lizze has been asking me to do this for a while, and I haven’t because I thought I was doing okay. The truth is, I’m not doing nearly as well as I thought I was, and it impacts Lizze and the boys in a negative way.
I’ve been carrying a great deal of baggage from the 30 years of my life, and it impacts me more than I realized.
I’ve eluded to some of this baggage over the years but never come out and just openly talked about it. There are some things I’m not ready to talk about in-depth and some things that I just don’t think most of the world can relate to. A large portion of these things stem from my time as a fire/medic, and some are from my early childhood. Many of these things have haunted me, and aside from Lizze, I don’t talk to anyone about them. I don’t like thinking about them, let alone talking about them.
Anyway, I’ve been taking a good hard look at myself, and I need to make some changes in my personal life to be a better husband and father.
I actually feel pretty good about this journey I’m embarking on and I think everyone would benefit from putting themselves on review.
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In my life I’ve noticed that I tend to re-evaluate my life and actions about every 20 years. It was pretty successful when I was 40. At 60, I find myself with harder questions. I hope you find what you are looking for from a competent therapist. Good luck!
Thank you Becky. You’re always so supportive and it means a lot..
Your life as a special needs parent is tough, no question about that. That said, I am hoping that you can find a good and qualified therapist who will help you look at how your own behaviors and decisions are negatively impacting your life. You have a tendency to blame everything on autism and use that as a way to deflect personal responsibility. I don’t say that as a way to slam you, but rather as a way to maybe help you move forward. You have made ‘special needs father and husband’ into your entire identity and often use it to martyr yourself. I can’t imagine that feels good for Lizze or the boys. In any event, best of luck. I hope you someone to help you through the ugly self-reflection phase. Self review is something I do often and I don’t think I’m alone in that.