I’ve gotten out the habit of writing again. I’m struggling a bit but I’m surviving and determined to get righted.
Yesterday the boys had a pleasant visit with their mom and grandparents. They were only gone for a few hours but the quality of those hours is what matters. I used the time to go walking and OMG did that feel good.
Elliott is still struggling with many things related to the divorce and it’s really hard to see him going through this. I’m powerless to help with some of this stuff because it’s outside of what I have control over. It’s impacting many aspects of his life and even his teachers are very concerned.
That weighs heavy on me and it’s hard to focus on much else when your kids are in distress.
That being said, I’m trying very hard to provide distractions and direction. Dead time is our enemy right now and keeping everyone busy will help to keep their minds occupied with things other than all they’ve lost.
As an example, last night the kids and I went to my brother’s house to take part in the gender reveal of their 2nd child. Normally, I would limit things like this immediately after a visit because they’re already emotionally charged and in need of some downtime to decompress.
I do have one other comment relating to your kids’ mom. I hope that things progress to where you are able to allow them to spend more overnight time, or that Lizze’s health is up to seeing them more. Things that are going on are still in a flux with you all, and will continue to be in such a state for a time. I’m sorry it’s so painful. I’m guessing things will slowly improve, while not in a steady progression, so that in a couple years all of you will be used to this and your kids’ will feel less insecure.
I remember you mentioning possible meds for depression, and then said that you couldn’t go there because they drastically affect you for awhile? Have you ever tried St John’s wort? It’s very, very cheap, you can research the best brands, and it has been shown to help with mild to moderate depression. And you can buy it at the nearest Walmart/Walgreens/CVS.
I have used it myself off and on for years and so have other family members. I don’t remember it having big side effects but of course, everyone is different. My experience with using herbal medications is that they are milder and thus, the side effects are milder. The main side effect of SJW is supposed to be skin sensitivity to the sun, and I never noticed. And I literally have skin diseases that are exacerbated by the sun.
Of course, this might not be anything you want to try. I don’t remember if you are still on any other meds either. When I use herbal remedies while on prescription drugs, I try to be careful, check drug interactions, take small doses, and experiment carefully. That might be too much work!