While talking with a new friend of mine recently, I was reminded of something I’ve lost sight of in recent months and perhaps even recent years. We were discussing selfcare and the possibility of working together on something for Autism Awareness Month this year.
We were coming at this from slightly different perspectives but I was challenged to step outside my normal way of viewing things and I gained a very unique perspective from someone I have a tremendous amount of respect for.
While I was on this thought journey, I was reminded of the importance of recognizing our limits. Something I have been forgetting lately is that I’m only human and therfore burdened by my very human limits. I tend to have this view of myself that says I can’t make mistakes, especially when it comes to my kids and that my kids deserve better than my best. While it’s true that my kids deserve the very best, I need to remember that I’m often putting unrealistic expectations on myself, expectations that my kids certainly don’t have.
The other day, I became frustrated with Emmett and yelled at him. He was not listening, pretty much out of control and driving me absolutely fucking crazy. After a few unsuccessful controlled attempts to sorta reign him in a bit, I lost my patience and raised my voice to him. I’m not belittling or tearing him down in any way but I yelled at him and I don’t like doing that.
Is it Emmett’s fault for not listening or my fault for not having enough patience with him?
The reality is that Emmett was being a kid with Autism, AHDH and extremely high levels of anxiety. None of that is his fault and I never blame him for that. Sure, he could make better choices in some cases but the truth is, he’s a kid dealing with things I couldn’t even begin to imagine. Frankly, I don’t know how he does it. He was behaving in a way that was very characteristic of a child dealing with some of these challenges. I was behaving like a parent who was in over their head.