Seeing my old shirt brought back so many memories, so I wish I could forget. I experienced things during that time in my life that I’ve never been able to shake. There were lives I couldn’t save and images that will never leave me. I’m actually starting to dig into some of this at therapy because I’ve carried a great of pain and guilt for far too long.
I wish I could have been able manage both parts of my life in a way that didn’t require me to make a choice of one or the other.
At the end of the day, I made my choice and I can live with it. Sometimes, it becomes necessary to give up one dream in order to attain another. For me, I gave up my career in order to be what my family needed me to be.
I would never give up my family for anything. While being a fire medic is in my blood, part of who I am and I do miss it, there’s more to me than this one part. I’ve been able to be in my kids life every single day. Being a Dad is a privilege and an awesome responsibility. It’s something I take very seriously and I would give up anything for my kids. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them.
I’ve found ways to make a difference and be the Dad my kids need me to be. This blog is testiment to that.
Writing allows me to help people and be the full time caregiver/Dad my kids need me to be. I’d choose my family over a career a million times over. While it’s true that I miss parts of my old life, and finding this shirt reminded me how much I miss it, I have absolutely no regrets.
It’s not been easy but at the end of my life, I can look back and know that I was always there for my kids. I was able to watch them grow up every single day. I was able to be there for everything and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.
It’s crazy how something like Elliott rummaging through some drawers and finding a shirt, can take me back in time.
I can now look at this shirt, remember what it means, spend time in the memories and smile, rather than be sad.