I really wish I had the energy to write more but the reality is, I don’t. It’s not even a close call either. I’m really trying to push myself because writing is so important to me for a million reasons but one of the biggest is that it’s a form of therapy.
Without writing, I tend to carry a ton of shit around that isn’t healthy.
My goal is to write at least once a day. I feel like that’s very realistic. It’s a far cry from what I used to do but it’s better than giving up.
I’m starting tonight, even though I’m exhausted and wanting to crash, I want to get some writing done, because I’m hoping it will help me to sleep.
There were many challenges today, with Gavin in particular. My stress level is simply out of control and it physically feels like my chest is being crushed. I’m having anxiety attacks. The kids aren’t privy to that because I’m able to remove myself most of the time.
Anxiety attacks for me are very much internal and I’m pretty good at maintaining outward appearances, so as not to freak out the kids but it’s not easy and absolutely exhausting.
Today was pretty bad and I needed to spend some time in my room, just trying to collect myself. A large portion of this is related to Gavin right now. It’s not his fault and I’m not angry with him. What I am, is overwhelmed by his behavioral challenges.
I’m running low on patience with many things right now and Gavin is requiring more patience than I have. It’s as simple as that.
The details are too much to get into right now and it’s overwhelming just thinking about it. Gavin is a fantastic human being and I will just say that the issues are more related to his thought process. He’s not a threat or a danger to himself or anyone else. He struggles a bit more right now but who among us isn’t? I mean seriously.