I simply cannot leave my kids

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This was the first time that Lizze has been away since our separation. That ended over a year ago, and she’s been here ever since. I’m super excited that she’s getting to spend time with her Mom this weekend, because that’s really important. 

To be honest, I’m a bit envious that she gets away. She misses us all but recognizes the need for a break. Good on her for that because that’s much easier said than done. It’s also vital for maintaining sanity, patience, and even physical/emotional health. 

I’m wired a bit different. 

When the kids go to their grandparents, I can mostly enjoy the time off. The problem I have is being away from the kids myself. I’m not able to simply leave the house and spend more than a few hours away from the kids. I get too anxious. 

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Lizze was the same way before Caregiver Burnout three years ago. That has taught her to focus more on herself and that’s a good thing. 

I can focus on myself but not if focusing on myself takes me away from the kids for any length of time. 

Maybe if my kids weren’t facing all the challenges they’re facing or if I hadn’t been a paramedic for so long, and saw all the horrible things that can happen. Either way, it leaves me with an unwillingness to go camping with my brothers or something to that effect. 

I still focus on myself by walking or writing, but actual time away is not in the cards for me. 

I know that seems weird, and even counter-productive because breaks are absolutely necessary. We’ve been through too much, especially with Gavin, for me to feel comfortable leaving for a weekend or something. 

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Am I the only parent with special needs kids that feel this way? I tend to think there are others out there who completely understand, and if you’re one of them, please leave a comment below and share your thoughts…