When doing the right thing breaks your heart and feels like shit

I haven’t written much since Thursday and there’s a good reason for that. I had a truly horrible experience and it really knocked me for a loop. It was one of those times where doing the right thing made me feel like a monster. 😔

This past Thursday, Elliott had an appointment with his pediatrician. This was a follow-up in regards to him having recently begun taking Prozac for anxiety.

The day began with the very first snow day of the year and we all had a great morning.

I noticed that Elliott’s cheeks were red and I decided to check his temperature. He was indeed running a low-grade fever and I was thinking it would be a good idea to get his blood work done while we were there. If his blood work comes back nor. AL, and he’s still running a fever, that is a pretty big clue that we’re looking at a fever disorder. We’d put the bloodwork off long enough and Elliott wasn’t going to work through his fear of needles in time to get this done. It’s been over a month since we got the order and it’s been enough time.

Our original goal was to let Elliott begin the Prozac and see if it helped his anxiety enough that he would willingly get his blood drawn. That didn’t work out so well and we had a unique opportunity to gain some insight into his bizarre fevers.

We approached Elliott with the idea of getting his labs drawn while we were at his doctor’s appointment that afternoon. That didn’t go over well and Elliott immediately began spiraling into a panic attack. We tried to work with him as much as we could but there was no point. He was too far gone.

Unfortunately, it was a snow day and because we didn’t have anyone to watch the boys, I had to take him by myself.

Once we arrived at the doctor’s office, I thought it would be best if we did his labs first. This way he wouldn’t have to worry the entire time we were there. I figured we would get it done and over with because he needed relief but he needs these labs drawn as well.

He refused to get out of the car. We worked through that and headed to the main entrance, all while he was screaming you lied to me, I’ll never trust you again. In his head, I had apparently lied to him about this somewhere along the way, which I hadn’t. I went through the door and got him registered. I explained what we were dealing with and they made sure everyone else was on the same page. Continued on next page

Rob Gorski

Full time, work from home single Dad to my 3 amazing boys. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)
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