I’m trying to function as though nothing is wrong because my life doesn’t really allow for me to struggle on a personal level.
Going through the motions of daily life is crucial for me because I have to keep moving forward. If I stop, take a break or even put too much thought into quiting, I’ll shutdown and that’s not something I can afford to do.
It’s really hard to get out of bed in the morning, drive the kids to/from school, go walking, take my meds, eat, work, take care of myself, the kids, my wife, the house and all the other areas of our life.
There’s so much going on in my life at any given moment, that it’s sometimes impossible to catch my breath.
What I’ve found is that the more I actively try to fight off the depression, the tighter its grasp on me becomes. It’s like a Chinese finger trap.
If I embrace or try to coexist with the depression but force myself to keep moving forward, I tend to have better luck slipping through its grubby little fingers. It’s also important that I remain as objective as I can in regards to my own life because if I don’t, I’ll buy into the negative that depression is selling and that can take me to a very dark place.
There’s far too many people counting on me for me to give up. I wouldn’t be disappointed if life decided to get a little easier for a bit though. While I’m not holding my breath for that, I’m also not beyond feeling hopeful that things will improve as time goes on.
Depression sucks and it can make an already challenging life, even more challenging. Please don’t be afraid or ashamed to get help. Talk to someone and allow people to support you. ☺