I’m not able to focus on work and without doing that, I can’t replace our car, which is now leaking gasoline or get my family to a safer neighborhood, where the kids can actually play outside.
I can’t focus at all anymore.
I end up fixated on my health, which is constantly improving and not bad at all. I know that but I worry anyway. I worry about not being here for my kids or my wife and it’s consuming.
I’ve made an appointment with my doctor for this morning and I’m going to be placed back on an antidepressant. I’m personally leaning towards Prozac for a number of reasons but I won’t start it until after I recover from surgery. That should only push things back a few days at most and by next week, I will be starting the new medication.
I’m not excited about this but at the same time, I’m hopefully looking at another 50 years and I can’t live like this. I can’t put my family through this either.
While I’m not excited, it does feel good to have a direction and maybe a light at he end of the tunnel. With any luck, that light won’t turn out to be a train…
If I’m feeling up to it, I’ll update you folks tomorrow but no promises. There’s a lot I have to get done before Friday, including making a fresh pot of bone broth so I have something healthy to eat while I recover. I also have to get about 5,000 steps in so I hit my minimum goal of 200,000 steps for the month before Friday. That’s the goal for the whole month and I’ll reach it about 10 days early because I’m afraid after Friday, I might not be in a place to get my walking done each day. I feel good having accomplished that..
So that’s where I stand at the moment. It’s not pretty but it’s my truth and I need to do what I need to do in order to get through this and get back on my feet. My needs more than I’m able to give them right now and that’s not okay. Taking care of myself means I can take better care of them.