A beautiful, painful, frustratingly fucked up journey



My Mom just picked up the kids and is taking them to my brother’s house for the afternoon. They’re going to be hanging out with their adorable little cousin, while my Mom babysits everyone.

This serves as a very positive distraction and the kids have chosen this over going with me to the vet this afternoon. Thank God for that because I wasn’t looking forward to sharing that experience with them.

The boys spent the lunchtime hour saying their tearful goodbyes to Lemme. They’re assuming this will be the last time they see her and while that is likely to be the case, I could find out today that her symptoms are caused by something else and she’ll ultimately be fine. I’m not openly encouraging hope in this situation because they will cling to it for dear life and only be further devastated when that hope fails them.

Elliott’s acting like everything is okay but it’s obvious that it’s not. He’s desperately researching cures for adrenal disease and looking for things that simply don’t exist. Emmett just sobbed next to me on the couch and it was so hard to hold my own fears in. While I’ll miss Lemme, I’m more worried about what this will do to my babies.

I don’t want to be the bad guy. I don’t want to be the one who brings them another round of bad news. I had to tell them both times that their mom had left. I had to tell them when each of the great grandparents had died this year. I want to be a reason they feel safe and happy. I don’t want to be the constant bearer of heartbreaking news.

I’m tired of hurting and I’m sick to death of my kids hurting. I want to just scream never again. Never again will you guys have to deal with the pain of loss or cruelty. Never again will I have to bring you news that will break your hearts.

Unfortunately, I’ll never be able to do that because life isn’t fair. Life doesn’t care who hurts or lives and who dies. Life is a journey. A beautiful, painful, frustratingly fucked up journey.

14 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. Really, a “man up” statement? My eyes are rolling so hard right now. These kids are going through a legitimately traumatic period of time in their life at the moment. Even just the divorce is enough to rock a kids world never mind all the other bull this family is going through at the moment. Even for neurotypical kids, that comment is not timely AT ALL. And also the notion that this hypothetical problem can only be solved by men is antiquated.

      • Pinkie pie443 on September 24, 2019 at 6:36 pm
      • Reply

      Yes they are going through a lot but he is not helping them when he projects his own feelings onto them. He is making excuses for why they can be out of school and the kids were considered legally truant last year. His need to baby and coddle them is NOT doing them any favors. Elliott is 13 years old and rob has him being taken out of class to draw his feelings and he is going to be eaten alive once he’s out of the protective cocoon of their 2 star special academy. Rob shut his own life down when his 90 year old grandparent died and he is teaching this kids that same behavior. Bad things happen. Life goes on. Adults find a way to deal with it and get out of bed and go on with life because it is a necessity to do so.

    1. Thank you Lindsay.

    • Pinkie Pie443 on September 24, 2019 at 4:06 pm
    • Reply

    You should not be referring to your tween and teen sons as your babies. You retard their emotional growth more than any autism diagnosis ever could. Instead of coddling them and keeping them as young acting as possible, how about helping them evolve into young men. If you are not up to the task I’m sure your dad or Lizze’s would love to help.

      • BJW on September 25, 2019 at 1:51 am
      • Reply

      Wow. You’re a real piece of work. Who are you to judge Rob and his family’s situation? You don’t have a clue, do you. Living with disabled kids is no picnic and it isn’t anything like living with neurotypical and/or non-disabled kids. Your words tell me you have no experience with this. Grow a little empathy, won’t you?

      I don’t know how much you know about Lizze, but she’s barely able to function alone as an adult. Most of the time the pain she is in causes her to draw into herself. She could barely help most of the time due to having severe migraines.

      Anyway, the only reason I’m not using worse language is because I doubt anything would give you empathy.

        • Pinkie pie443 on September 25, 2019 at 9:29 am
        • Reply

        I have all the empathy in the world. How dare you say otherwise when you don’t know me at all? Look, I get that you have some sort of weird crush on rob and that’s fine, but his neediness is a large part of what drove Lizze away the first time and I’m sure it played huge role this time as well. The fact that he didn’t know anything was wrong is testament to his narcissism, sense of self importance and lack of self awareness. AND his ‘babies’ wouldn’t be in the pain they are currently in if rob had not let Lizze come home in the first place while blaming caregiver burnout as the reason she left. He NEVER took even one tiny bit of responsibility for the end of his marriage and he is doing the same thing right now, blaming it all on her and autism and forcing his kids to look after him and prop him up. I have no doubt that is a huge part of why emmett has moved into Rob’s bedroom, and while on that subject rob and Emmett should not be sharing a bed. It is weird and inappropriate and is just further proof that rob wants to keep them from growing up; even if it means them being on SSI and being a burden on society for the rest of their lives.

        1. Look, I’ve been ignoring you because I don’t care what you have to say. There’s no point in blocking you as you just make new accounts (obsessed much). Please keep in mind that my kids may read this blog from time to time and could read your comments. Maybe there’s a tiny bit of decency in there somewhere that wouldn’t want them to read the awful things you’re saying.

          Secondly, if you want to be an asshole to me directly, that’s fine but leave everyone else out of it. These are good people and they care about my family, please leave them alone.

            • TheReturnOfMoe on September 27, 2019 at 12:31 pm
            • Reply

            You say waaay more hurtful and personal things about your kids than that person has said. Like they are burdens and the things you say about Gavin sometimes are just wow. So maybe if you are afraid your kids will read what others have to say, you maybe want to watch what you say about them and their mother

            1. How many different accounts are you going to comment from? Why are you so obsessed? Maybe get a hobby, go outside or something like that.

            • TheReturnOfMoe on September 27, 2019 at 12:35 pm
            • Reply

            And why do you think you have blocked that person several times. Is it really that hard to think that more than one person sees the way you milk the system and do the absolute minimum a person can do and pat yourself on the back like you are killing it? I mean come on, you are a democrats dream and not every reader is a dem

            1. I can pull server logs. I know when the same person creates multiple accounts. Most of the time it’s harmless and they go away but not always. You have yourself a great day and if all you have in your life is attacking me, then have at it. It’s kinda pathetic but whatever works for you.

                • TheReturnOfMoe on September 27, 2019 at 12:41 pm

                You are horrible at technology

      1. Thanks Becky. I keep blocking this person and they continue to create new accounts.

Join The Conversation

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Don't Forget To Check Out My Podcast

You Won't Regret It ;-)

%d bloggers like this: