There’s so much to update you all on but I’m falling behind on a lot of that. I mentioned earlier that we weren’t having a good day and I wanted to elaborate on that as I had promised I would.
The boys are really struggling with school right now and as much as I hate to say this, some of the teachers aren’t helping. In fact, they’re making things worse.
Before I dip into this, I want to be clear that while I’m pissed off and frustrated, I don’t believe there’s any malicious intent behind the things I’m going to share. That doesn’t mean it’s okay, because it isn’t but I know they mean well.
The boys didn’t have school last Friday due to a teacher in service day.
We were talking on Friday about things that were upsetting them and what I could do to help them better manage. Taking their mom moving back home off the table, I wanted to know how I could help.
Apparently, on Thursday of last week, Emmett was in the hallway crying and Elliott was on the opposite end of the hallway crying as well.
Several things were discussed but the topic eventually circled back around to the difficulties they’re having in school. During the conversation I was having with them, I learned something that immediately sent me to another room, so I could call the school and quash this.
Look, I know these teachers have their hands full on a good day and they can’t be expected to be therapists as well. Having said that, they need to be more careful about what they say to the kids.
Elliott and Emmett were told by one of their teachers that sometimes moms need a break from their kids. Your mom probably just needs a break and then she’ll be back.
UPDATE: I learned this morning that it’s worse than I thought. This took place inside the classroom, I front of the rest of the class. Apparently there was a lock down drill and she pulled them both into the classroom before finishing the conversation infront of everyone. I need to find out what the hell is going on. I’m aware that there’s likely another side to the story.
The boys are very, very, very upset about this and frankly, so am I.
Putting aside the fact that what they said is true in some situations, that is not the case in ours. I understand that this teacher is trying to manage a situation that I’m struggling to manage myself but there needs to be more thought but into what gets said to the boys, before it’s said to the boys.
Not only does this provide false hope, it sends a conflicting message that makes everything worse.
The teachers obviously aren’t privy to all the facts but telling heartbroken kids that their mom is going to come home, when she isn’t, is ill advised. Furthermore, making a statement that sometimes moms just need a break from their kids, kinda sends the message that this is somehow their fault. Kids don’t need any help to figure out how to blame themselves for something bad that’s happened in their lives.
Any way you slice it, this is bad form and needs to stop.
This is the second or third time I had to meet with the school in order to address similar issues. If the boys want to open up to their teachers, that’s okay but the teachers should not, under any circumstances be initiating or discussing what is going on with their mother.
They can reach out to me if they have any questions but that’s it. This should be a topic that’s not in their purview and it needs to stop..
Getting the boys to school is difficult enough right now. This only makes things worse. It’s no wonder the boys are struggling at school as much as they are. I’m, frustrated concerned and pissed the fuck off.
Some people just don’t think. You would think a teacher of all people would have a little more common sense. How did the boys feel about going to school on Monday? Were you able to speak to the Principal/teachers before they went?
The update makes it worse. I hope you have good options available, like possibly putting kids in another class. Do they have a teacher who knows how to deal with autistic kids and kids going through serious issues?
Yes Rob, I would be super angry. First, it’s the 4th occurrence. It’s not an appropriate topic for a teacher to discuss with your children. It shows a total lack of understanding of your particular situation and it does place some blame on the boys. I would be in that principals office or on the phone with him ASAP explaining why this better not need to be addressed again. I’m sorry it happened again.
That sounds like the remark of a very young person. We all have to be told from time to time about how others hear the things we say. That what is intended to be comforting may be the opposite. I wouldn’t be mad at the teacher, but I might be weary of having to ask them not to weigh in on personal issues.
Still, your kids are open with you about their hurts, which is fantastic. Some kids would just bottle that up in inside and carry it around for 10 years. You have the chance to address and redirect.
I agree Dot. The frustrating thing is that this is the 3rd or 4th occurance and it’s been brought to the schools attention each time. I’m sure the teacher is well intentioned but they have been asked to refrain from this topic.
Wow. I hope the school and the teacher(s) involved took this seriously enough to be more careful.
That’s really unbelievable. I hope the therapist can help with this, or their Mom. Maybe someone can suggest to them that the teacher was thinking about herself…