I’ve been thinking about it and something occurred to me. Perhaps I’m trying to overcompensate for their mom not living with us anymore. Truthfully, I feel like I understand my kids but it would be very fair to say that I might not understand them the same way their mom does. I’m not sure why hearing that hurt so badly but perhaps I took it wrong.
When he told me that his mom would understand better than I do, it hurt because I’m the one that’s still here. I’m giving them absolutely everything I have and I know it’s not enough. They see their mom once or twice a week and I know they wish it was more. I also know that I cannot fill the hole that was left by her. Nothing I can or will ever be able to do is going to replace that void in their lives. Is it really so insulting that my kids tell me that basically their mom is different than I am?
Of course we’re different. Good or bad, no matter what I do, I could never be her or fill her role the way she did. Why would I keep trying to do that?
I suppose the answer is that I see my kids in pain and I’m trying to be there for them in whatever way they need. I don’t handle things the way their mom did/does and that’s okay.
Being told that their mom would understand better, is perhaps more a statement of fact and not so much a reference to inadequacy on my part. I already feel I’m not enough and that maybe leaves me a bit more sensitive.
This is a slightly better way to frame things I think and a less painful one as well.
When you are a single parent, I think overcompensation is pretty common. I see my kids in pain and would do anything to make them feel better. A little overcompensation here and a little overcompensation there. I can and need to physically fill the roll of both myself and her but emotionally, I don’t think it’s possible. I should probably stop trying.
No matter what I do, my kids are still going to hurt as a result of this massive change in our lives. I can’t shield them from that. All I can do is be there for them the best way I know how to and that’s by being me. I know I’m not always going to be enough but at least I’m trying and rhat needs to be enough for me.