This started out as a reply to a supportive comment left on the previous post: A Massive, Overdue and Heartbreaking Update but took on a life of its own and is better suited as a dedicated post.
This is basically in response to comments about my parenting and how I’m not doing enough for my kids.
It’s so easy to stand on the outside looking in and judge my parenting or assign blame but the reality is that there are very real limits as to what I can actually do because the system is broken. Gavin could potentially get into a day program and that’s something on my to do list.
The big problem is that funding is so limited. Where I live, DD has to be able to match the funding from the state in order to receive it. That’s how it was explained to me. They are seriously lacking in funds and services don’t pay for themselves.
Every single day is a balancing act. One that is often frustrating, overwhelming and demoralizing. If I could devote all my attention to one thing for any extended peiord of time, we could possibly make progress. When you also have two other kids with special needs there’s not enough time in the day to almost get to even half of what needs to be done. Trying to work from home makes it even more challenging, and yes, I work from home.
I know I should be doing better, I don’t need people to point that out. I’m already harder on myself than anyone else possibly could be.
As a special needs parent, I do my best to balance everything out. It’s not easy and it’s far from perfect. Often times, I have to approach things from outside the box because nothing else works.
Gavin is almost 20 years old and is developmentally about 5 years old. Going up to the deli counter for the first time by himself is a big deal. I work with him daily on life skills and he’s about as independent as he can safely be. He’s also Schizophrenic and medically fragile, requiring twice a week proceedures just to stay out of the hospital. He has a very limited short term memory and requires constant repetition. I feel like he’s doing pretty damn good, despite all of the obstacles in his path. He’s happy, as healthy as he can be, polite, kind, empathic (in his own way) and one of the most selfless people I’ve ever known.
Elliott and Emmett are struggling emotionally and that makes their already existing challenges more challenging. They’ve always struggled with anxiety and sensory issues. That said, I work with them on life skills as well. As they get older, they gain more independence. While they claim that they never want to move out, I envision them going to college, getting jobs and if they want, starting a family of their own.
They’re absolutely brilliant, social appreciate (for the most part) and will eventually fly from the nest.
There are always things I could be doing better. I’m far from perfect but I’m also doing this alone and essentially have been for awhile.
I get up every single day already overwhelmed and not knowing where to even begin. Every single day presents new problems and they just pile on top of the already existing ones. It’s endless and even if I was perfect and I’m not, there’s no way to keep up.
We’re surviving right now that sometimes that a pretty big accomplishment. We’re slowly making progress and moving forward but it’s a work in progress and we face frequent setbacks.
Before you judge me or any other parent in similar circumstance, and feel compelled to share your negative opinion, maybe don’t instead. Negative, hurtful comments not only hurt me but it also hurts my readers at times as well because some negative comments may apply to their lives as well.
I don’t mind constructive criticism but judgemental, negative comments are not welcome. As a result of the recent increase in intentionally negative comments, I’m requiring approval for all comments before they get posted. I don’t want my kids reading some of this shit and my readers shouldn’t be subjected to it either.
I’ll still have to read it but I can spare the rest of you.