I’m quickly running out of shits to give

I’m not going to sugar coat this folks. I’m really struggling right now. We’ve been on lockdown since March 6th, when Elliott got sick and was diagnosed with Influenza B. That just sorta rolled into the COVID19 lockdown and we’re only just beginning this journey.

The boys are on edge and I’m not sure how to really help them with that, aside from keeping them distracted and that’s proving to be a challenge.

In front of the kids, I’m a rock, but not so deep down inside, I’m freaking the fuck out. I’m sure that the kids have picked up on that to some extent but I go to exhaustive lengths to hide that from them. It’s well, pretty damn exhausting.

I’m trying to balance a million different things right now. Striking a balance between preparedness and paranoia is not as easy as it sounds, especially when one of your kids is immunocompromised. This leaves me with very little margin for error. There’s really no other responsible choice in my view but total lockdown. It’s the best way we can protect Gavin, and ourselves, as well as everyone else out there.

Trying to get the kids to do their school work is worse than pulling teeth, whatever that amounts to. I’m so stressed out, overwhemled and exhausted that I really don’t have any shits left to give about school work. If that makes me a bad parent, so be it. That doesn’t mean I’m not working to make it happen, it just means that if push comes to shove, I’m going to say, fuck the homework.



Hopefully, it doesn’t come down to that.

5 comments

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    • BJW on March 21, 2020 at 7:19 pm
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    Hey Rob. If the temps go up a little and kids aren’t sick, you could take them out to the park. I’m guessing that the parks aren’t going to be crowded in Northern Ohio. Maybe if they get out some they will be more bearable. (I throw this out there, but I’m aware it may not be workable…)

    The last 2 years or so for me, I didn’t get out as much, pre- and post-surgeries. Now that I’m more able to move around, we aren’t supposed to be going to many places. I was going to focus on teaching Henry to drive this year, and now I can’t even get him a temporary license (all but 5 Ohio BMVs are closed).

    Anyway, hang in there. If we can all stay home as much as possible, the pandemic won’t happen as quickly and severely, making the medical system handle it better. It’s definitely a weird time we’re going through. At least DeWine seems to be sane and responsible.

    OTOH, if you can somehow make more podcasts I know I would listen to them!

    1. Excellent advice Becky.. How are your knees doing?

        • BJW on March 21, 2020 at 10:00 pm
        • Reply

        Knees aren’t bad. I spent yesterday taking Henry to Toledo, waiting, surgery blah blah, and picked up a cold. (No fever, nothing in chest.) Hoping it goes back to 60 because I WANT to tak e walk!

    • Curtis G. on March 21, 2020 at 5:54 pm
    • Reply

    I feel for you Rob. As a father, I’ve been dealing with my son’s autism for 30+ years. And in that time I’ve come to realize that parenting an autistic person, whether a child or as in our case, a child who is now by years a young man, is no easy task for anyone. And you are doing this basically alone for 3 sons. I’ve always respected you for your love and never give up attitude for your sons. There’s no handbook that says we as parents are mandated, within ourselves, to be the perfect parent. How could we be. We are a segment of parents who have been thrust into a whirlwind of continuous, never ending ups and downs and sideways manner of existence. Not one of us wished for our children to be born autistic. but we now found ourselves having to push the limits of human emotional endurance to somehow try and do the best we can to help our children exist and find a place in this already often crazy and unsettling world.

    Parents of so called regular or neurotypical children have no inkling of the immense pressures and emotional stress that comes with being the parent of a loved one with autism. It’s a battle that we fight for our sons and daughters that is ongoing with no little breathing room and full of both successes and failures. And sometimes we beat ourselves up because we cant just wave a magic wand and make everything all normal and okay for the children we love. All we can do, no matter how deep the valley we find ourselves in, is to do the very best we can and stand by our children no matter what the crisis, no matter how close it pushes us to feelings of despair, lonliness and not knowing if we are doing the right thing or the wrong thing. At the end of the day, all we have is the certainty that we did everything humanly possible to make life a little bit better, no matter how small the accomplishment, for our children and that no matter what or how low we often feel, we are still here for them.

    This Corona Virus, as serious a problem as it is, is just another in a long line of problems that have beset us. There’s no easy answer, no quick fix until things are finally put in place to eliminate this pandemic problem that has now taken over the world. And our job is always to be the protector, the master and mistress of Vulcan logic and not panic because in the end, everyone in the house looks to us for protection and guidance, even though down inside, we have to attempt to suppress the fear and the uncertainty like everyone else. You hang in there Rob. We’re having a bit of problems(medical and behavioral) with our son here now as well which is being heightened by the COV19 virus. All my wife and I can do is try our best to do whatever it is we have to do to lessen his fears and try our best to tend to his ongoing medical issues which in itself may become scary, if the hospitals and doctors become overwhelmed and begin selecting whose medical issues warrant who gets treated at the head of the line. Take care to you and your sons Rob and be safe.

  1. Hey, are you in Pacific Northwest by any chance?

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