Life is rough and I’m struggling with #depression



I know that I talk about the bad days quite a bit and that can be depressing to read. There are so many factors that go into writing about my experience and generally, I err on the side of transparency. My intention is not to be depressing but rather to be open about my Depression.

Depression plays a role in literally every single part of my life and it’s not easy to manage.

Being a special needs parent is very challenging. Being a single special needs parent is even more so. When it comes to the challenge, things like autism and fragile health definitely complicate things. The truth is, my own mental health directly impacts how I’m able to cope with stress and rise to the occasion.

I feel very strongly that it’s important to be open, honest and transparent when it comes to sharing my story. As the boys get older, I’m more careful about what I share in regards to them and often get their permission prior to writing about an experience that involved them.

When it comes to myself, I try to be an open book because I can’t help anyone with half truths and spin. I’m a flawed, imperfect human being. That means I make mistakes and dumbass decisions sometimes. That being said, I try my best every single day to do right by my kids. Despite all the challenge, I never give up. I may not always succeed but I never give up.

When I sat down to write tonight, it took some effort because I’ve had a stressful day and I simply want to hide in bed and stare at the ceiling until I hopefully fall asleep.

Writing is incredibly therapeutic for me but lately, the idea of writing about what I just experienced is so overwhelming, I often walk away from it instead.

Days like today don’t make things easier.

I didn’t sleep last night because I’m stressed out and overwhelemed. My back has been bothering me today and I lost count of the times I wanted to scream.

The kids were not really a problem. They bickered but they’re amazing and not really contributing to my overall stress levels.

8 comments

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    • Michael on July 13, 2020 at 4:38 am
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    Depression goes deep for many of us. Keep on the therapy for yourself. I know my wife sure feels like I need to speak to someone about my frustrations.

    Smile despite it all, do the next right thing. Lean on someone, we’re almost all lonely if we have any sense right now with the virus being about

    Sure helps to break a sweat with some physical activity here and there.

    No playgrounds has been so tough this year. Thankfully swimming in lake Erie is an option for us.

    1. Well said Michael. ☺

  1. Sorry Rob! You keep hanging in there!

  2. Rob

    Hang in there, the moment will pass and better feelings are around the corner. I’ve been there too. I’ve been writing these sorts of thoughts into a journal – and writing more regularly and then contrast those journal entries with days I’m feeling better. This blog is amazing – I have no idea what I’m doing with just one child on the spectrum 🙂

    1. Thank you. How are you holding up in all this craziness?

        • VK on July 10, 2020 at 10:16 pm
        • Reply

        I’m doing alright. My biggest complaint about the craziness is that I’m tried of being cooped up – which isn’t much to complain about when I look at those unemployment numbers!

    • BJW on July 8, 2020 at 12:59 am
    • Reply

    Did you hear DeWine mandated masks for certain Covid-19 hotspots? I didn’t know if yours was one. I got out tonight and took a bike ride. Not too many people out in the heat, although since it was 7 pm the sun wasn’t too bright.

    I function better if I’m not super mad over the bad federal response. At this point, I will crawl over broken glass to vote for Biden. Trump is trying to ignore the pandemic which makes it worse. And my county has a really low infection rate…for now.

    Hope you can catch some sleep tonight.

    1. I hadn’t the details of it. Stark County is one of the highest. What’s crazy is not mandating this across the board. County lines don’t stop the virus.

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