Confessions of an overwhelmed and struggling with life, #Autism Dad

I’m in one of those moments where I can’t see the positive. The absolute truth is that I’m struggling and doing so on multiple levels.

Life at home is so incredibly stressful and as much as I try to take care of myself, it’s not making much of a difference at this point. I get points for trying but sometimes, almost doesn’t count.

There are so many emotions flowing through me lately and they’ve taken a controlling interest in my life, at least for right now.

These aren’t in any particular order but I wanted to make a list because it might help me and maybe it provides comfort to someone else out there as well.

I’m frustrated, overwhelmed, anxious, afraid, depressed and exhausted in every possible sense.

These feelings are very much getting the better of me right now and no matter how much I try, I’m not seeing the positive. I turn 40 next month and I’m not coping very well with that. I’m struggling with my own mortality and I seem to be stuck on that for a number of reasons. Most of those reasons are easily relatable if you’re an Autism or special needs parent.

I’m not doing well and the reason I’m sharing this is because in doing so, maybe I can help validate what some of you are feeling.

I feel truly awful and I’m being crushed by the weight of all the responsibilities I have. Someday I’ll feel better but right now, I’m not and that’s what matters.

10 comments

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    • Nicky's mom on January 14, 2019 at 1:22 pm
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    Being a parent of NT kids is hard enough without adding autism to the mix. I did it alone for a few years and I kept my sanity with the help of friends and family. I think the hardest part was admitting that I wasn’t a super woman and that I needed help. I don’t know why but people thought I was strong enough to get by without help. I also found that little escapes helped…..going to a movie or hanging out at Barnes and Noble for a couple of hours rejuvenated me. You are dealing with a lot and deserve a mental health break. Be good to yourself so you can be good to your kids

    1. Amen… ☺

    • Sandra on July 16, 2018 at 8:36 pm
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    I’m a new follower, a parent of an adult son with autism, a speech language pathologist in early intervention, and way over 40! I’ve been where you are, plus I’ve had the extra guilt from others as well as my self that hey you’re a professional! You should know how to handle anything! Where’s your magic bullet? I don’t have one. There isn’t one (but you know that). Whenever I felt that way I took a long walk, did a search of funny jokes, indulged in something with a lot of chocolate, or just was good to myself in some way. BTW 40 is soooo young! :-}

    • Tim Smith on July 13, 2018 at 7:02 pm
    • Reply

    I hope this helps to know you’re not alone. I’m turning 40 next month as well and not dealing too well with it either. Our eldest has autism and various health issues and it’s often very hard to see the future as positive. It helps to hear from other dads and I hope I can help you with this comment. God bless.

    • Pony on July 13, 2018 at 8:08 am
    • Reply

    Have you talked to your Dr about going back on your meds?

    • Believer on July 13, 2018 at 5:50 am
    • Reply

    I am not from US, know nothing about help available over there. Is it not possible to arrange carers to come in for couple of hours? Is state not helping with some sort of respite? I guess this is not much help, as you seem to be very knowledgeable and would have explored those possibilities if they would be available… Take care and we will be waiting for your next blog, called “What made my day” or “Things seem to fall in to places”!

    • Believer on July 13, 2018 at 5:37 am
    • Reply

    Hi! I’m so sorry you feel like this… You are an awsome Dad and husband, as what i gather from the posts you always considerate how your wife feels, try to give her a brake and never judge her. You are really great guy, just challenged so much! Thank you for your blog, you put it on the paper how i feel. It’s hard to explane what it is so overwhelming about being Autism parent, but you did! You don’t seem to have resentment against other people, while i do. People i know are holidaying, shopping, planning an exciting future, how is this fair? While they are thanking for their blessings, i “embrace” challenges, because God loves me more… How do you manage not to be jelous and bitter?

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    • Becky Wiren on July 13, 2018 at 5:35 am
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    Hang on Rob! When I was talking to a friend about a somewhat serious problem, she said, “Well, at least you have your loving husband and sons.” I know all of your family is either sick, disabled, or both, but it seems you all love each other (as much as each one is capable).

    Have you tried a GoFundMe? Maybe you’ve done one before but maybe another?

  1. You’re not alone! And yes, putting it out there DOES help other parents not feel guilty about havin… https://t.co/TU3asN6ogP

  2. Nobody should feel this much stress and pain. My heart breaks for you. I hope things get better x

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