The best I can do is never enough and whenever I manage to get us into better place, something has always come along and taken my legs out from underneath me.
I’ve been doing this for so long that I don’t really know anything else. On most days, I’m able to at least process things and that helps keep me afloat.
Some days however, are just so overwhelming that a large part of me shuts down. It’s a self-preservation thing and not something I really have any control over. I do my best to manage and have been focusing heavily on self-care but on days like this, I could walk 50 miles and it wouldn’t make a difference.
I know there are many people out there who are struggling. Some of those people are far worse off and I try to keep that in mind because perspective is important to me.
At the end of the day, these feelings are very powerful and no amount of positive thinking can break me free from them. What I desperately need is for things to at least slow down so I can catch my breath. It rarely does and that’s why I find myself where I am right now.
You can disagree with me or feel like I’m a negative person and that’s okay. My reality however, is that Autism parenting can feel so defeating because of it’s never-ending nature. It can be demoralizing but these days will pass and the sun will shine on us once again.