If Depression had its way, I’d stop taking care for myself and I’d cope with food. I’d stop exercising and not give two shits and a flying fuck when I gained all the weight back. I’d give up on work and stop writing altogether.
If Depression had its way, I’d not care if my kids took their meds or if they went to therapy. I wouldn’t worry about them getting to school or doing their homework. I wouldn’t praise them for doing well or even care if they were doing poorly.
If Depression had it’s way, I would become self-destructive and not care who I hurt in the process. I wouldn’t pay attention to what others were going though or even help if I could. I would shun all responsibility and not give a shit.
If Depression had its way, I’d spend every waking minute, of every single day, thinking of ways to end my life.
I’m very serious about this and while it may sound extreme, you’re not in my head as I wage war against the Depression that never stops trying to control my life. Every one of these things are a daily struggle. Every thought weighs heavy and pushing through is not easy or even possible on some days. I’m very proud of the fact that I’m vertical and doing as well as I am.
Depression impacts everyone differently but the one thing we all have in common is that Depression is invisible to those around us. That means that most of the people in my life don’t see what I’m struggling with it.
I’m very open about it because I believe that no one should feel ashamed about their war with Depression. People with Depression often suffer in silence because unless you’re warring with Depression yourself, it’s very difficult to understand what Depression is and it becomes more of an abstract idea than a real life struggle. Openly talking about my struggle is how I’m choosing to help others understand and even encourage a conversation about Depression that benefits everyone.
Dealing with Depression can be very difficult. The three corner stones of treatment are cognitive therapy, medication and life-style changes. Everyone is different and therefore treatment can vary. As an example, cognitive therapy hasn’t always been of huge benefit to me personally. I talk to someone when I need to but my focus has been medication and life-style changes, especially over the past year.
I consider my relationship with Depression to be like two countries at war. I have a lifetime of battles under my belt. Some battles I’ve won and some I haven’t.