I had a heartbreaking conversation with my #Autistic 10 year old


When Emmett was done screaming this stuff at me, he could see that I was impacted by his words and made it very clear that he knows I’m doing the best I can. I appreciate that but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s right.

We desperately need out of this house and I don’t have the ability to make that happen. Short of a miracle or winning the lottery, which I have never played, I’m pretty much powerless to address these issues.

When everyone had cooled down a bit and Emmett had finished venting, we had a discussion about making the best of what we have, until we can change things.

There are things we can do to improve our immediate environment. Some are pretty easy, while others are more challenging and cost a significant amount of money. For the record, we are not financially on solid ground by any stretch of the imagination.

We can better organize things and get rid of things we don’t use in order to free up space. This is something we can absolutely do and it doesn’t cost anything.

The rest are things that we can’t do anything about, at least for right now.

We can’t make the neighborhood safer. I can’t make the house bigger or effectuate the needed repairs or upgrades with the resources at my disposal or rather not at my disposal.

The truth is that we’re in a rough place. We’re grateful to have a roof over our heads and our car still gets us from A to B.

That said, these issues make it very hard to improve our quality of life and they sorta make an already difficult life, way more challenging.

While it’s true that I’m doing the best that I can, especially considering all we have going on, my efforts still fall short of what my family needs.

It’s one thing for me to know these things are issues but it’s absolutely heartbreaking to learn how profoundly it’s impacting the kids. Often times they seem unaware of these things but it turns out they simply don’t talk about their concerns very often.

This is weighing pretty fucking heavy on me right now because I can’t find a working solution to these things.

Anyway, I’m feeling kinda shitty at this point. I think the focus on 2019, at least in part, is going to have to be improving upon our current situation so we can do better by the kids. That has to happen. It just does.

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kimmy gebhardt

I have mentioned this before but I really feel like an independent set of eyes on your finances could do you a world of good. When you are stuck in the middle of things it can be very hard to see where cuts can be made but there are always places to cut back. From reading your posts through the years it’s clear that you are stuck in the ‘poor person’s state of mind’ where any money needs to be spent because you might never have money again. Just the other day you mentioned building a workout room despite needing a new car. Your family has more and newer tech gadgets and movie days than you might realize. Financial counseling is one of the best and smartest things you could do to help improve your situation. I don’t say this a way to kick you when you’re down, but I really do think that things could be better for you and your family if you just allowed someone else to look at where the money goes. As for Emmett telling you that his room/house/car are too small? I’m trying to think of what my parents would have said to that had I ever told them that what they were doing and providing wasn’t good enough. I can only think that it would NOT have been pretty. 🙂

It’s me

I completely agree with Kimmy. And I actually have no words for what Emmet said to you. Why do you shoulder everything, shouldn’t you and Lizzie be a team?

Teresa

Totally agree. And everyone everywhere could find reason to complain about their situation (even those you’d consider well-off), but even many who are very poor, don’t. Because they know that to foster that mindset always leaves you feeling inadequate and gives your power away. Start a gratitude journal with your boys – I love that you are brainstorming for solutions! Also, fostering thrift is such a valuable tool – read Tightwad Gazette (use this as your manual!), Millionare Next Door (not who you’d think), Your Money or Your Life, etc – life-changing! Living within your means is so empowering that it soon becomes a creative and fun challenge, not an infringement! There is almost always a cheaper alternative to expenditures and it becomes a creative problem-solving skill to see just “how low can you go”!
All the best to you and your family – I’m rooting for you guys!

BeckyW

That is hard. What about a GoFundMe? Maybe you could raise enough money to get a better car. The prices for used car are more depressed which is good if you’re broke. We could get something pretty good for ourselves for $5000. But we spent that money on my teeth instead.

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