I’m not a quitter but I wonder how long I can keep this up



We had a really rough night with Elliott. He’s struggling a great deal emotionally and I don’t know how to reach him. He’s so angry, hurt and scattered but we aren’t sure why because much of what he is upset about, never happened.

His perception is often inaccurate and there is no convincing him that he’s misunderstood or misinterpreted a situation. He feels that he’s not loved or that he doesn’t matter to us and I don’t even know what to say. Of course he’s loved and he absolutely matters. We tell him and show him that all the time but that message seems to be getting lost and that’s a problem.

We’ve spoken to his therapist at length about this. She’s known us very well since before Lizze was pregnant with Elliott and has watch him grow. While I don’t know where we went wrong, it feels like must have done something wrong because our almost 13 year old doesn’t feel that we love him. Somethings not right and we need to fix it.

Elliott is struggling for many reasons. He’s Autistic, depressed, incredibly anxious, very sensitive, possibly bipolar and heading into his teenage years. He’s surrounded by other people who are struggling with life as well and that’s not easy.

He’s very impulsive. He doesn’t really think through things, he reacts and he reacts emotionally. I feel like in these moments he’s sorta checked out and is running on pure emotion. It’s absolutely heartbreaking because I believe he believe these things are true and there isn’t anyway we’ve been able to do get through to him.

The things that come out of his mouth in these moments are hard to hear. The fact that we can’t reach is an awful feeling.

I’ve mentioned before that Elliott is getting all the help we know to get for him. This is a complex problem with many moving parts. Most of those parts are Special Needs in nature but I’m sure some are more traditional or typical of his age. Where one starts and another stops in unknown.

I can say that this is exhausting and the very thought that he might truly believe he’s not loved, keeps me up at night. I’m so overwhelmed by everything. I’m heartbroken for my son and I don’t know what to do.

This is also only one single challenge, in an arena filled with challenges. It’s hard to get anywhere because this needs our attention but so do the other hundred problems that we have. Everyone is struggling. Everyone needs/deserves my time and energy but there’s not enough of me to go around. As much as I know I have very really limits, I can’t help but feel like a failure.

I’m trying to find a balance that allows me to meet everyone’s needs but it’s not proving to be easy. I desperately need to focus on work because we are drowning but I’m so distracted by everything and I’m being pulled in too many different directions. Every challenge that we’re facing at the moment is important. My family needs my physical and emotional support 24/7 but I also need to be able to provide at the same time.

I’m on complete overload and this doesn’t even include what I went through this morning with Emmett.

I’m not a quitter but I’m also beginning to wonder how long I can keep this up.

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kimmy gebhardt

I have to agree with Becky. Just listen to him and validate his feelings. Maybe get him some therapy on his own from someone other than Dr. Pattie. Elliott is a middle child which can be bad enough for any child, but add to it that he has the issues that he does and now add in teen angst and that he is the ‘least sick’ member of your family and you have a recipe for disaster. He lives in a world where his brothers take up all the household energy and resources and if that wasn’t bad enough, his mother is chronically ill and spends a lot of time in bed. If you look at it from the outside, maybe it will help to see where he’s coming from.

BeckyW

Maybe if you listened to him without judgment. Don’t tell him it never happened, he doesn’t believe it and that further alienates him. Listen to him, ask him what you can do, tell him you’re sorry (because he’s hurting). And of course this all needs to be worked out in his therapy and family therapy. If you’re sympathetic because he’s hurting, that may at least help him feel loved.

The fact he has several psychiatric conditions most likely mean he is also paranoid. So that exacerbates the whole deal.

(This is similar to advice I’ve been given. I’m not this smart!)

Derubermensch

@Charger0843Rion I know exactly how this feels, my sympathies

tamie joeckel

Be strong! My son has bipolar schizoaffective disorder. He is 36 – diagnosed at 21. The challenges… https://t.co/xjUngd7JGz

Can I feature your blog under tribe content on my new site it will link to your blog

2+2=5 is a witch.

Rob, you will keep going because there is no alternative. Peace and love you you.

2+2=5 is a witch.

*to you.

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