It doesn’t matter who I talk to, how much I exercise, or what medications I’m on; my life is such that Depression tends to thrive. I think many Autism/Special Needs parents find themselves in similar circumstances.
I’m trying so hard to strike a better balance. I’m trying so hard to get us out of where we are. I’m working so hard to meet as many of my family’s needs as I possibly can. I try so hard not to want to give up when I ultimately fall short in most of what I set out to do. Knowing that my absolute best isn’t good enough, feels awful. It’s demoralizing, depressing, frustrating, and fills me with an overwhelming sense of guilt because I’m letting my loved ones down. At least that’s what it feels like to me.
It’s difficult to focus on things when there are so many things that need my focus. Parents like myself, deal with challenges 24/7/365 that most others won’t face in the course of their entire lifetime.
Writing this post is a perfect example. I spent all day writing this because I kept getting pulled away to put out fires. By the time I was able to sit down and work on it, stringing coherent thoughts together, just wasn’t in the cards. It’s for that reason that I’m going to end things here. It’s getting too frustrating for me, and I’m going to try and get to bed early.