It’s absolutely awful and completely f*cking heartbreaking

It’s absolutely awful and completely fucking heartbreaking to see him going through this. I’m totally lost as to how to help him and I have two appointments for him this week that will hopefully produce a direction to go in at the very least. Both of these doctors are aware of what’s going on but haven’t seen him since it’s gotten significantly worse.

Emmett and Elliott are both being treated for PTSD and abandonment issues. It’s an uphill slog but at least some progress is being made. Elliott seems to be doing better but only because he’s cutting himself off emotionally from everyone in his life. This is a move made out of self-preservation and a lack of coping skills.

In the case of Emmett, I consider the fact that he’s finally opening up and talking about how he feels, as progress. I know I’ve got the bar set pretty low right now but I’m desperately trying to find the positive here.

If Gavin is struggling with things, he’s presenting very differently. Gavin has been completely emotionless about the current state of his family. According to him, he has simply accepted things and isn’t bothered by them. Whether that’s true or not, I can’t say. I can say that I don’t think he’s really noticed the change and he definitely doesn’t understand why the boys and I have been so sad about all that’s happened. I get it and I know that’s totally a Gavin thing but at the same time, it’s difficult to deal with, especially for the boys. They don’t understand him and he very much doesn’t understand them. It’s creating problems but none of them have an ounce of malice in their hearts. Autism complicates things.

Gavin has been driving me crazy because he’s completely oblivious to everything going on around him. I’m to the point where I don’t want to take him anywhere because he’s walking in front of moving cars and not paying attention to where he is in relation to other people. I have to constantly be on him, not because he’s frustrating the shit out of me but rather for his own safety. I have to protect him from himself.

His big thing right now is that he stares at the ground while he’s walking. I know that’s pretty common in Autistic kids but it’s become a more significant issue lately and outside of the house, he requires constant attention.

Most of those are only really safety concerns outside the house, he’s still pretty functional at home, at least for him. I’m so proud of the progress he’s making in his book and how he’s began illustrating it this afternoon. He’s such a good kid, I’m just spread so thin as it is and having to pour extra time and energy into him, simply to keep him from walking into traffic, is fucking exhausting.

It’s not his fault and while I’m frustrated, I’m not even slightly angry with him. It’s my job to get us through this and I often find that I’m not strong enough to do it at all, let alone gracefully.

I’m in a state of constant worry because as much experience as I have, as much as I love them and even with all the professional help we have, I’m still unable to significantly help them. I’m totally fucking lost. I’m heartbroken and would give anything to take away their pain.

Rob Gorski

Full time, work from home single Dad to my 3 amazing boys. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)
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I’ve had the idea of writing my own blog bubbling away for a while, so looked up dads dealing with autistic kids and found this. So glad I did. Don’t think anything has ever related to me as much as what I’ve been reading on here.

The walking in public bit made me smile. It’s hard to explain to people just how exhausting it is to take your 6 foot tall son for a walk and have to talk him through the whole journey or he ends up walking out into roads or into lamp posts. He has improved a bit, but it’s a slow process that I don’t know if it will ever be complete.

Really appreciate you writing about your experiences. Stay strong.

Curtis G.

I’m so very sorry on reading about what your son Emmett is going through at this time. I’ve had periods of watching my autistic son, when he was young and even in his adulthood, go through painful episodes in his life and how awful and helpless I felt by not being able to do anything to remove the problem from his life. One problem that I did have to remove was to remove him from high school because of daily bullying, an unresponsive and disinterested school officials who threaten to take me to court but I checkmated them by home schooling him, which was a last resort. I’m hoping that some how things get better for your son and he can stay in school. At least you have something we didn’t have so many years ago, what appears to be a very understanding group of school officials and teachers. I’m really hoping Emmett gets better soon. My son also use to have bad nightmares but his involved running from the kids who were tormenting him in high school. It took three years to get his bad school experience out of his head. Your boys are very lucky to have a Dad like you.


I’m so sorry to hear your son is going through such a tough time. It must be just awful having to watching him like that. I really hope your able to help him on someway and the nightmares pass as that sounds just horrendous for him