I’m not even sure what to say anymore



I’ve been struggling today and I’m not entirely sure why. Recently, I’ve been in a pretty good place because everyone is safe, healthy and doing as well as can be expected. Work is going really well and I even have a new partnership I’m finalizing. These are all good things.

The world around us is imploding and there are protests within about a mile of my house.

I’ve been extra anxious, overwhelmed and on edge recently.

Gavin had some issues with his IVIG Infusion that caused some drama for everyone in the house and that sorta set the tone for me. That was only one incident and I should have been able to shake that off, but things just seem to snowball from there.

We’re quickly approaching the 3 month mark of being locked down and it’s starting to get old. Time has slurred together and I’m losing track of it.

The kids are all on edge and it doesn’t take much to set them off. They’re acting out because they’re stressed out and overwhemled. I’m low on patience and that’s generally not a good thing. I’ll spend myself into the ground if I’m not careful.

Gavin is very easily startled right now and Emmett seems to be taking full brotherly advantage of that. Gavin screams when he’s startled and Emmett cracks up. It’s normal brotherly stuff but with all the added stress of lockdown, it’s more problematic.

At this point in time, I’m just overwhelmed and honestly a bit lonely. All of this craziness is making me more aware that my marriage is over and that I’m alone. It’s not like I wasn’t aware of that before, because I was. It’s just that I was able to keep myself distracted. Dead time is not my friend and all I have is dead time right now.

Anyway, life is just a little extra challenging as of late. I’m tired, overwhelmed and a bit demoralized. Having said that, and this is important, I’m not giving up. I know that tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to move forward. I have to fake it until I make it because the kids need to feel safe and secure.

Me totally falling apart simply isn’t an option. I have to fall apart in little spirts and that’s okay.

This too shall pass and tomorrow will be a better day.

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Kyle

Thanks for posting this. I think many Dads struggle, but like you said, “Falling apart isn’t an option.”

Curtis G.

The only way any of us can weather through all these bad things going on at this time is to hope that better days are coming and all this chaotic negativity will somehow shake itself out and we will someday return to at least a near normal society and world.

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