The worst thing that 1 #Autism parent can do to another

I’ve been a voice in the Autism community for almost a decade. People have gravitated to me because I say what they’re thinking without them having to say it. I don’t judge those with differing opinions and I never force my views on anyone else.

I love taking the pulse of the community by publishing polls designed to help people get a better understanding of what others in the community are experiencing.

Someone had responded to one of my many polls by telling me that it was an awful question for me to ask.

That awful question that was asked was Do you ever miss your life before Autism? Why shame me for asking it or others for answering it?

Feel free to answer the poll below.

The question is simple and I would imagine that if we all did some soul searching, we would be able to recall moments where we were so overwhelmed that we missed when things were simpler.

Maybe that doesn’t apply to everyone and I can accept that.

Autism can and will impact different families in very different ways. Autism is a profoundly dynamic condition which means that while two people may share the same diagnosis, they can be impacted in very different ways. There’s almost always some overlap but people with Autism are just as unique as their neurotypical peers.

After that little lesson in Autism 101, we can take what we just learned and practically apply it to our everyday lives.

It stands to reason that if each person with Autism can be impacted in profoundly different ways, the challenges that each family faces can be different as well.

After almost a decade of dealing with the public, one of the most frustrating things I still come across is judgment within the Autism community itself.

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Rob Gorskikimmy gebhardtAinslieMarkLTJ Recent comment authors

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This is interesting. I was the one who said I sometimes missed my life before parenting. I miss freedom sometimes but I prefer my life now even though it’s more complicated. Autism doesn’t really factor in to the equation. I think parenting in general is just difficult, but that is not to say it is bad. If I am specifically speaking about my autistic child, I think I am a ten times better human being because of him being the way he is. I have learned to advocate because of him, learned how far I can push myself and what… Read more »


I think it’s a valid question, not a value judgement. I miss my life before parenting much the same…


I had Kurt Eichenwald tweet at me that being an autism parent “isn’t hard” because he’s raised a ch…


This is a totally valid question. As you say it doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids. I have 1 with ASD and 1 without. The high level of supervision required for my ASD son has massively restricted my life and career and to be honest I resent this. Parenting is hard but they do grow up and get more independent ( if they are NT) – this is not a future I see for my ASD son. At the moment I can’t work and he can’t go to school because of violent outbursts. The endless appointments and making arrangements… Read more »

kimmy gebhardt
kimmy gebhardt

I don’t see the person’s actual response so I don’t know their exact wording, but I’m curious why you find it so offensive? I get that it feels judgmental but weren’t you asking for opinions and wasn’t that her opinion? To me it sounds like that person is afraid to feel okay with missing the ‘before’ because it probably feels disloyal to her kids. That said, I know of very few parents (not just autism parents) who don’t occasionally miss the before. Doesn’t mean they don’t love their kids, just means that being a parent is stressful sometimes.