The substance of the conflict doesn’t really matter but what matters is that Gavin struggles with social interaction, especially when things are emotionally charged. His memory is very poor and he’s very, very easily confused. He also struggle telling the difference between what’s real and what isn’t.
Elliott does not accurately perceive the world around him and as a result, he reacts to events he feels took place but realistically didn’t. He both takes and makes everything personal, even when it wasn’t. Elliott goes from 0 to 60 instantly and very quickly makes things personal. Both boys struggle to understand that Gavin 19 years old but is cognitively a first grader.
I will admit that Gavin is becoming more and more challenging, to the point that we’re actually discussing a group home type placement. No decisions are even close to being made. We’re simply beginning to recognize that we can’t sustain this long term and we need to keep all options on the table.
There are going to have to be some therapy sessions where Gavin isn’t present because I think we need to help the boys better understand what’s going on with Gavin and why he is the way he is. We’ve tried over the years to help them understand but as they get older and Gavin gets older, things f free come for complicated.
Very little was actually resolved because the underlying issues remain. That said, we were able to distract them when we got home. I ordered pizza and we watched The House with A Clock in its walls. This was the movie we began watching in the theater when we had to leave early because the tree fell into our house. While Gavin had no interest in watching, Elliott and Emmett did. The night ended on a positive note and I’m going to bed feeling a little better about things. ☺
I mentioned this before and I don’t think you ever replied (though it’s very possible that I missed it!), but is it possible for Gavin to go stay with Lizze’s parents a few days a week? To give everyone a break from one another? I know your mom has her hands full with her father so she’s probably not able to help as much as she might like. From reading your posts over the last few months, it really seems like everyone is tired of one another. I don’t say that in a bad way but Gavin is in that house 24 hours a day most days with you and Lizze with no socialization. The other option is ARC or some sort of day group. Residential placement probably won’t be an option because of his various medications and infusions, but maybe some ‘independence’ and time away will do him some good.
Unrelated, did you ever get the insurance mess figured out? It’s super windy here today which made me think of your tree and wondering if you ever got your siding and roof fixed.
Could you start with a day program during the week for Gavin? Some where they could do mental health support and skill building and you guys could get a little break in the day (to breathe) and Gavin could get some support and socializing? Medicaid usually pays and his case manager can help coordinate an intake for the program. Medicaid usually helps with transportation as well.
I recall some great suggestions around where to find outside support in someones comments on a post you did about planning for Gavin’s future and how he would be good in the workforce. Did you ever check any of those suggestions out?
I really appreciate your candor in your tweets/blog!
yes i have been since 1968 i’m 57 its a lonely life