We had the worst #meltdown in 5 or 6 years yesterday and we’re facing some heartbreaking decisions

I had to take the picture because it was the only way he could see.

He absolutely lost it. I told him that he would need to shave the rest of his head. I was happy to help him but he had wanted to do this on his own and it’s a good thing for him to be able to do.

I totally admire that he didn’t give up. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see that he didn’t give up. He just sees all the mistakes.

After a few more times of trying to get his head shaved but completely missing the mark, I shaved it for him. He was so angry that he couldn’t do it on his own and he got incredibly loud and aggressive.

To make things worse, at some point, he shaved off a chunk of his left eyebrow. I don’t have any idea how he managed to do that but when he realized this, he actually lunged at me.

It was absolutely awful.

I had to trim his eyebrows in order to sorta blend it in. If I didn’t, everytime he looked in the mirror, he’d freak out.

It took forever to calm him down.

All the above is problematic for obvious reasons but the really scary thing was that he decided to wet his hair before using the electric razor. I don’t know how he didn’t electrocute himself. Truthfully, he would have likely tripped the GFI before hurting himself but the fact that he mixed water and electricity is terrifying. Clearly, he can’t be allowed to do this again.

The entire process was exhausting and it has left the household on edge because there wasn’t anywhere you could go to escape Gavin’s outbursts. The whole house could hear and feel it.

Lizze and I have been really struggling with his outbursts lately. We’ve actually had to put something back on the table that we’d previously taken off. That’s revisiting whether or not Gavin would be better off in a group home type environment. Safety has to be a priority and as much as it crushes me to even allow myself to think about this, Dr. Pattie thinks that there will quickly come a point where we are simply in over our heads with Gavin.

This is a truly shitty feeling. It’s heartbreaking and soul crushing. 😔

I don’t really want to talk about this anymore, at least for right now. It’s been an absolutely shitty day and I’m going to bed.


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  1. Might be better to take him to the barber and get them to do this. Hair cuts are something i’d make an effort with. You don’t need to put him in a group home. He will have sensory issues and run off.

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    • BeckyW on December 3, 2018 at 3:54 am
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    I get how putting him in a group home could feel awful. But it’s possible that he would have more organized activities on a regular basis. And I’m guessing he’s allowed to visit you all or you all visit him. Anyway, I’m glad I don’t have to make that kind of decision. (Although I have other ones regarding what to do with a very sick son.)

  2. I’m so sorry. Keeping good thoughts

    • Kimmygebhardt on December 2, 2018 at 11:42 am
    • Reply

    I’m curious if Gavin’s outbursts are related to him and Lizze living in the same house? Before Lizze left Gavin was acting out a lot and you were thinking about residential placement but then he flourished while she was gone. I guess I’m wondering if the two of them simply can’t coexist. Another possibility would be that your attention is very divided between everyone in the house and he is reacting to that. There really are no easy answers and I’m sorry for that.

    1. I knew you were going to ask that.. It doesn’t have anything to do with Lizze and Gavin being under the same roof. He’s going through a difficult time. In the past, the issues with Gavin and Lizze were Gavin’s inappropriate behaviors towards her. He doesn’t do any of those things anymore and she’s not uncomfortable or afraid to be around him. This seems like he’s just struggling with his inability to be perfect. He doesn’t get that no one is perfect. I just thought of something interesting and I’m curious as to your thoughts. When Gavin goes on his missions or visits his home base in the other Universe he lives in, he’s perfect. He’s the hero, the leader, the healer etc. I wonder if this creates frustration for him because in real life, he’s not perfect.

        • Kimmygebhardt on December 2, 2018 at 12:09 pm
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        That might have something to do with it and would explain why he enjoys the missions so much. What kid doesn’t love to be the hero?

  3. Oh no. Sorry to hear this.

  4. Your love for your son is so evident in your words!

  5. I’m so sorry.

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