In all seriousness, this is whole lockdown/quarantine thing is dragging on and on and on.
I have zero time to myself and my room has become a free for all. The kids are constantly coming in and out, all throughout the day. I still can’t get Emmett in his own bed at night and we’re approaching the one year mark since their mom left.
These guys are still hurt, sad, scared and very, very angry. The pandemic has made everything so much harder for them. For one thing, they simply have too much time to think about everything and that’s not good. It’s impossible to keep them distracted all the time and even harder to try and find time to work.
As for me personally, I was still getting used to being on my own when we went on lockdown. While the kids didn’t see their mom nearly enough before lockdown, they’ve only had one, two day visit in the last 100+ days. That’s by design right now because we both agree it’s the safest approach. It’s really hard on all of them, including Lizze. I know she is where she is because she chose this new life for herself. It’s what she wanted and this is just one of the many unforeseeable consequences of her new found freedom, but I’m not an asshole. I hate that they aren’t able to see each other. I want nothing more then for the kids to have a happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship with their mom. I want the same for her. She’s irreplaceable and they need each other.
We are tentatively looking at another visit in early July. Lizze and her household will do a 14 day quarantine later this month and assuming it goes well, the boys will have another short visit. I know how important this is to Lizze and the boys, so we’re not taking any chances on our end either. The quarantine works both ways. If we break quarantine, we have to wait 14 additional days before the kids can go over, so this is being taken very seriously.
Even when the kids go and visit, I’m still maintaining quarantine on my own. That means I get to sit at home alone and while it’s quiet, I can’t help but be reminded of how very much alone I am. It’s a difficult adjustment after 20 years.
It’s all a bit depressing, but I need to the time to myself, even if I don’t really want it. My kids also need a break from me as well. I’m sure I drive them crazy to.